Non-Diet Coaches Success Stories Vol.5
The Non-Diet Coaching Certification of Cohort #8 have recorded a video for you….
We chatted about their personal and professional wins over the last five months for student of cohort #8 We discussed the role of mindset work and learning how to coach professionally in their personal and professional lives.
What you’ll learn listening to this episode on Non-Diet Coaches Success Stories Vol.5:
- Personal and professional learnings & wins over the last months
- The role of Cognitive Behavioural Coaching in their success
- How they coach their clients using CBC
- They answer submitted question from listeners
Mentioned in the show:
How to Become A Non-Diet Coach Masterclass
Non-Diet Coaching Certification
Connect with our guests:
Transcript
86-Non-Diet Coaches Success Stories Vol.5
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Stephanie: Welcome to the special edition of the podcast. I have three wonderful human being with me today. So this is going to be a threesome interview. and I've brought these, wonderful human with me to discuss their journey in the non diet coaching certification over the last Nearly five months that we've been together so they can share their experience with you. And we've got questions that have been submitted over the last couple of weeks of things that you want to know, from them. So I'll be asking those questions as well. But before we get started, I would love for each. Of these human to introduce themselves. So, you know, who's taking part in a conversation. It's okay. Do you want to get us started?
Kate: Sure. Hi, everyone. I'm Kate Williams stone and I'm a non diet health and life coach for perimenopause. Amazing.
Candy: I'm Candy Wright. I am a body acceptance and life coach for, postmenopausal women.
McKenna: Hi, I'm McKenna LaVenture, and I'm a non diet coach with an area of focus on body image and intuitive eating.
Stephanie: Okay, so let's get started right with the question that I think is going to set the tone for this interview. You've been Working closely with me for 5 months, and we've been doing a lot of coaching, learning intuitive eating and body image and learning cognitive behavioral coaching. What would you see as your biggest learning over the last 5 months in this journey inside of this program?
McKenna: that's an easy answer for me. It's learning to trust myself and know that I do have the answers.
Candy: That's good. That is really good. Love that. I love questions like this because it always feels like you gotta say one thing and I can't say.
Stephanie: Say many things and can't.
Candy: The trust is a huge one. I mean, the whole point of this program is to create our inner trust and inner autonomy. And we start that with the intuitive eating and the body image stuff.
Candy: And it's. So powerful. So good. And I would just add a couple of things that kind of have been so personal to me. your just background with feminism and helping us understand that this is a collective challenge that women have gone through, making it a collective challenge just. enables, I think it enabled me and I think it can enable so many other women to realize that all these judgments that we've had, the not trusting ourselves we had, it's not a personal problem.
Candy: And that was really big for me. It just understanding that, you know what, we've been conditioned this way. What if we just start to kind of give that back and stop making it be something's wrong with us and then connected to that conditioning always thinking that we have to fix and then going into perfectionism that whole kind of. Mixture has been the biggest piece pieces for me is what if there's nothing to fix? What if that's conditioning?
Candy: Right? That's been huge. I'm sure we could talk the whole hour about what we learned. Those are some of the ones that have really touched me.
Kate: Yeah, I love that. I mean, I think for me, the biggest learning has been the body image and the nervous system piece. Because I was coaching intuitive eating before, but the piece that was missing was the body image piece, right? Like the root cause of dieting is the body image piece, the body image struggles, the wanting to fix their body, change your body. And so previously I was like, so scared to address that with my clients, but I also think with myself.
Kate: And so now having it all interconnected, the intuitive eating. The body image piece and then the nervous system piece that we go so deeply on, in body image has really made a dramatic change for me personally, but also in my coaching.
Stephanie: So I'm going to build on that question for all of you. We kind of globalize what your biggest learning is, but one of the. And one of the thing that I prone is embodiment, right, and how we bring this content to other women to change, as Candy said, the collective. But what have you seen personally changed the most in your life? And please share what you're comfortable sharing to the public. But how have you changed in your personal life as a result of As you said, Kate, learning about the nervous system, mindset, what have you observed to be the biggest win in your personal journey of embodying this work?
Candy: I'm just going to jump in here because as soon as you started to say the question, I started to get tears in my eyes, to be honest, so I'm just going to be really authentic here. it's just been really touching to,mentioned in the last 1 to really consider that there might not be anything to fix.
Candy: That really, truly, I, like so many women struggled with judging my body, judging food and controlling my body with food. And I didn't realize it until I was over 50. And I know I'm not the only 1, and so this big, beautiful, kind of explosion inside of me has been, it's okay to love the now body.
Candy: It's okay to not conform. I didn't realize how much safety of conformity that I had used that I'd relied on all my life. again, I can't just pick 1. But all I can say is, as you ask that question, my eyes welled up with gratitude because it's so deep. The change that has happened from the inside out.
Candy: And I think the feeling or the emotion result has been just a different kind of piece that is no longer run by what felt like I'm not good enough, right? I'm not good enough because I don't fit into the conditioning and then every week that we're on our calls. I say the same thing. I'm like, I'm getting like, all kinds of neural pathways blown up here. So that's what I have to say.
Stephanie: Thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable. You're welcome.
McKenna: Sorry, I'm not, I actually don't know how to put this into words, but I'd say there's these feelings of content and just being okay with what is. There's a newfound sense of gratitude. It's like I've opened up something else inside me or found something and I'll even share that my therapist commented on it yesterday and told me that She's noticed there's been a change in how I feel things in my body and that clearly I've been doing somatic work on my own and that I'm really like in tune with myself and she thought it was the coolest thing of how she's seen me transform over the last few months.
Stephanie: You know, that's beautiful, because it just shows that it's not about coaching versus therapy. The magic comes when both come together. Without, I didn't even know you had a therapist, but clearly coaching helped your therapy work. And your therapy work helped coaching as well. Yes, exactly. It's not one or the other, it's both together.
Stephanie: Exactly.
Kate: Yeah. I think for me, it's this, like Candy and McKenna both shared, but like this, this new sense of peace. Like I didn't know how much, like perfectionism and anxiety were running the show. I kind of had accepted it as this is just. Like how I am or like my personality or my genetics. I don't know what I thought it was related to, but I was like, this is just it, you know, and also looking at like role models of other women in my family. I'm like, we're just a nervous bunch. That's it. You know, and instead, there's like a new, sense of like peace and reduced anxiety, but not from, I used to think that reducing anxiety was about like getting it right or like having things in order. And I think that's the, like having my own back, trusting myself. Knowing that if I make a mistake or fail that I'm not going to beat myself up, like that's the piece that was missing. So it's like a whole new approach to the anxiety and perfectionism that I hadn't, I didn't even see it before.
Stephanie: As you share that, the thing that comes to my mind is we don't know what we don't know. Yeah. So we think. You used to think that anxious Kate was just Kate. Yeah, I didn't now that you felt different. You're like, oh, there's this other place that I can be that what I thought was normal is actually just anxiety. So let me, and I'm going to roll off to the next question. How does that impact the business version of you, the CEO version of you, the marketing version of you? Like how is what you just shared Kate and everyone has shown up in your business? Cause that's always the question. That I get because people think of business in a very has to be this way, like the bro marketing way, but I believe there's another way of doing business. Go ahead. McKenna. You raised your hand. Yes. I want to say something.
McKenna: I mean, I'll like what you spoke on. I thought there was like, a specific way I needed to do things and was constantly looking for, answers or I'm sure myself and I just. Started to trust myself essentially is what happened and didn't rush myself to, like, try to create things and do things. And honestly, the most engagement I've gotten is through telling my story.
Stephanie: So, you just discovered that you can do business differently at your own pace and that's where success is.
McKenna: Yeah, essentially, I personally don't think it comes to posting specific times a week or, certain times a day or 24 7. I think it honestly lies with me, being authentic.
Stephanie: Being you. Mm hmm. Thank you for sharing.
Candy: I see my business as a different. Like type of container now, like this framework that you've introduced us to as like goals, being a container to become this new version of yourself. So like any marketing effort I make or content creation in my business, it's like, how can I serve people? And how is this also serving me versus being like a way to rate myself, right? Like I think I used to use my business like I did the scale, right? Like my business is successful if it makes X many of dollars X many clients, like this is how I'm going to be successful. And. And now I'm like, I will meet myself in my business, however, right. And I'm not going to use it as another tool to beat myself up.
Stephanie: That's profound. Yeah. It's a whole new perspective. What has been so since you've molded this new way of thinking about your business as your output of service been different quality or quantity?
Kate: Yeah, it has been different. I mean, just the shift in mindset from. going into a consultation call, am I a good coach? Will she like me? Can I show her that I'm a good coach, right? Those were the previous thoughts. And now I'm showing up in a way of like, how can I serve her? how can I be of service? How can I be of help? And then trusting the process that this person will hear what they need to hear today, and I don't like, I don't need to perform. I don't need to like over deliver to prove my worth.
Stephanie: And one last question, because I've noticed that about you, you've been putting a lot more I'm not sure if you're calling them training or classes or master classes, but you've been out putting more to meet people. Does it feel easier than before?
Kate: It does. Yeah, like anything that we practice, the more I do it, the easier it gets. But I also
Kate: am, counting like the success in a different way, right? Like in the past, like I did a webinar last week, right? And in the past, the success would have been how many people RSVP, how many people show up, how many people book consultation calls. And instead I was like, I'm going to host this because I want to do it for myself and how I show up for myself and be brave and meet myself in all those moments where I want to talk myself out of doing it. And I had many of those moments. No, like I told my coach in this program, I was like, I think I want to pretend I'm sick and just cancel it. And I'm like, Oh, I guess that's fear, so how do I meet myself in the fear and feel that versus pretending I'm sick and canceling or postponing it. And you know, so I met myself in that container and then also just showing up in that webinar, like people are going to hear what they need to hear today. And I'm going to trust that. My perspective on health might not be for everybody and that's okay. There are other people out there, you know, but just being of service in that hour and trusting the right people will be there.
Stephanie: That's beautiful. And that's, that's why anxiety is reduced. Yeah, it's not a secret, right?
Stephanie: How about you, Candy? Business.
Candy: I think the biggest shift for me is. And this might sound counter, but there's no more, survival energy urgency for me. And so, I think I like to compare it to the intuitive eating pendulum process. Right. We go one way, you know, cause the pendulum, when you start the intuitive eating process and you take away your, or you start rejecting diet, rules, et cetera, the brain is like, but there's only black and white thinking the pendulation process from one side to the other.
Candy: Right. I feel like that was kind of how I, was in my business before it was always just okay. I had all this energy and this momentum and, you know, this determination until I worked out. And coming through this process, it's really helped me be like, it's again, the nervous system regulation and, the urgency to produce is no longer there. I think that can also, you know, I've been afraid of getting stuck there, but I think for me where I'm at, in learning to trust myself, I needed this, I need this piece of the process. I need to be able to go to 1 side and then to the other. So, for me, the biggest piece is a lack of that anxious kind of Kate was saying that anxious survival, urgency got to do this, got to push, got to push, got to push.
Candy: Right? And so I've been giving my nervous system the time that it needs to honestly heal after a five year stint of like pushing, pushing, pushing. And, it's scary. Honestly, it's been scary. It's been scary. This is not, a process for, A lack of courage, right? This is a process that requires courage.
Candy: So that's probably been the biggest one for me is just allowing myself to have the time to really get to a place where I feel regulated and, and in alignment. Because I can push and I can do the things and be a great coach, but I needed another level of alignment. I needed another level of nervous system regulation. So I'm still going through that process, honestly.
Candy: Stephanie: I love the analogy. Because that's like the, I don't want to say the other way of business, but the, I'll call it the traditional way of thinking about a coaching business.
Stephanie: Go, go, go, go, go. It's like the restricted side of like eating, like you just got to go, go, go 150%, 150%. You're going to make three, six figure, and you're going to make 300, 000 and 400, 000. And you've got to go up, up, up, up, up. Like it's constantly high, high, high energy. And that's not human.
Candy: No, but I love the parallel that you just drew there. that is totally restrictive. oh my gosh, I can't eat carbs. Oh my gosh, I can't eat this. I might even die of diet control. Until you burn out and your body's girl, we can't do that. Right?
Stephanie: Yeah. And it's going to the other side of doing nothing. Quote, unquote, binging. the other side of the pendulum. And now you're like, well, can I trust myself to not do anything? And want to do something again. Exactly. Right? And you can't. You just got to build that safety of being able to do nothing and then do something and then do nothing and then do something to the point where you come into a place where your business is just consistent all the time. It's not on, off, on, off, on, off all the time. But it takes that trust and that regulation to be able to output consistently, safely. Did you want to add anything now you raise your hand?
McKenna: Yeah, I do. I know I keep raising my hand, but that would also be 1 of my learnings of this course is because I clearly was, I was conditioned like, that's the society we live in.
McKenna: Right? But I thought I had to work. All hours of the day, and then felt guilt if I would only work a few hours and do something else with my time, but there is proof that it works because I can take time away and then come back and find myself being more successful and enjoying myself more and there's ideas flowing and it just feels right versus forcing myself to do it.
Stephanie: I want to bring you guys to another topic. That's often. where people, professional and coaches get stuck is that when they discover intuitive eating or body image or the non diet approach or a different way of doing business, there's this phase where people are resentful from what they learned in the past. Either in their degree or why has nobody told me that I've wasted thousands of dollars and getting this master degree and like it doesn't or I've wasted 100, 000 on this coach and this mastermind have you felt that resentment that regret? And how, what would you like to share with somebody who's there right now? Candy is like all over this.
Candy: I think it's so important to understand that part of this process can absolutely include a grieving process. And so when you talk about resentment, that's part of the grief cycle, I think, because the, you know, one of the first stages is Anger and along with the anger will come resentment. And I remember when I first started, the program with you, cause I only found you like, I don't know, a couple, two, three weeks before the program started. So I hadn't heard a lot of your stuff. And, and I just went into this, what's not, I was so angry. I was so angry that I had been conditioned and I felt duped and I went into this just Visceral experience and oh, yeah, there was a bunch of resentment, right? A bunch of resentment and I recognized pretty quickly. Oh, gosh, this feels like a grief cycle. And then the grief started coming in and then just the beauty of the work that we do and how you know, you obviously teach the emotional processing stuff. I trusted everything and the emotions have processed through. I am not angry like I used to be. I'm not resentful. Does it pop up every now and again when I see things online? Yeah. But another beautiful thing that I've learned with you is that's part of it too. More of this acceptance, right? And so I feel like I'm much more closer to this acceptance. And I do want to say one thing just because I know how I am in health.
Candy: Lot of women are this is not about getting to a certain end point. That's another beautiful thing that I've learned with you It's no like fear of weight stigma is gonna come up fear of this is gonna come up fear that and we're not trying To eradicate any of it. We're trying to process through it We're working to create acceptance and so that's kind of how I see it is just a grief cycle and getting to more of this place of acceptance so that we can actually learn the lesson so that we are more connected to our inner wisdom, our inner truth, prefrontal cortex, and we can hear the lessons.
Stephanie: Anyone else wants to add?
McKenna: I would just say, I think I processed it like months before I started this Course most of it, like the resentment, the anger because I was on my own journey for a while with body image intuitive eating until I found this for my business and myself clearly. But it, how would I put it? I think for me, the biggest thing that shifted and changed was I eventually came to a place which started happening before I joined the course was everything has brought me to this moment. And it's all part of the journey for me, I could spend my life resentful that I did these things, but in the long run, it's not going to help me at all. And it did get me to where I am today.
Stephanie: Yeah, that's the ultimate place, right? Nothing has happened for no reason. Exactly.
Stephanie: You want to add anything, Kate?
Kate: Yeah, you know, I don't think I had the resentment and anger when I started this program because I had been immersed in the non diet intuitive eating perspective. So that piece wasn't. New information. And I had actually aligned myself with what I would call like ethical business coaches. So I felt good about that. so I didn't have to go through that stage when we first started, but the piece, like the reason I made the decision to work with you, I mean, I started binging your podcast, I think like a year, year and a half ago before I did the certification and So I think part of it was wanting to have a greater impact on my clients and like really have the process in, and feeling really confident in knowing how to help them.
Kate: that was my reason for signing up. And I just. I'm the opposite of candy. I take a while to make a decision. So like I needed to listen to hours of podcasts and do one course and then another mastermind and then do it.
Candy: Not always.
Kate: Okay, but I'm a long term decision maker like well, but also I was at the point in my business where I'm like, I'm not going to haphazardly spend money. Trying to fix myself, I'm going to find the right coach for this right season in my business and match us up. So I think that was part of my deliberate researched decision making process. so I felt really good coming into this. Certification
Stephanie: and I just want to guide the listener, even though you're a professional listening to this and they're professional talking. We're still human purchasing a product. So, now you've just heard 2 different brain. Thinking about a purchase differently. Guess what? You have that in your business. You have different brain trying to work with you and 1 is going to take 2 years. 1 is going to take 3 weeks. Right.
McKenna: Yeah. or 24 hours if you're me, who spends,
Stephanie: or 24 hours.
Stephanie: Mm-Hmm. , you know, like, but it's
Kate: just the proof to a while, but your stuff was just, I had it. It was what my heart was searching for, and so it was ready. And I love that you're pointing this out. This is so true. People are going to be at different parts of their being when they're ready to make decisions.
Stephanie: And so, and this is important to understand that Kate talked about why she joined and she outlined the reason why she joined and it's different for all of you. So, do you mind sharing why you joined? Like, what was your decision and then candy so everybody can see there's a different perspective
McKenna: for sure. Well, the 1st time I my gosh, I bet you I came across Stephanie stuff like a year and a half ago or something. Yeah, it was at least a year ago because it was somehow a friend actually send it to me, but I did 1 of your core workshops last December and it was in that session that I said 1 day I want to work with this lady. one day I'm going to work with her. When? I don't know. When will this be recorded? I don't know, but I was, yeah. And then, well, the spring came around this year, and I finished my degree, and I was like, I'm not too sure what I'm doing. I felt kind of lost, but I knew there had to be another way to do business. And I knew I wanted to shift my business from the beginning. I knew I wanted to help people with food, their relationship. to food in their body. I just didn't know how and I'd taken things in the past was promised the world It always fell short still didn't know how to coach people And then that's when I got pointed towards stephanie After reaching out to another coach and I was like, okay, like I guess I gotta do it Like this is like a sign This is the only option out there for me to change the way I coach
Stephanie: And so I want to say to people listening to this. This is a referral Way, she was referred by one of my former words of mouth, right? Somebody who graduated, like, 2 years ago. She talked to her and then referred her to me. So that's another model.
McKenna: And I will say I followed that coach and was loving what she was doing and was like, how did you get there? And then she told me and then I signed up within, I think it was 24 hours. I said, yes.
Stephanie: Yeah, so Sherry's story of your client works. How about you Candy? What made you say yes?
Candy: I had started my business over five years ago I was a health and weight loss coach and it never felt right inside of me and a couple of years ago I started studying nervous system trauma, etc I even did a different certification program around eating psychology, but there was still something missing And I knew it in the core of me.
Candy: I knew it in my, my intuition. And, honestly, for me, my belief system, however you want to put it, like God, the universe, whatever. I don't know where I found you. Something came up in a feed somewhere. And I went and I looked at it and I was like, Oh, this is the missing piece. Why I didn't feel aligned.
Candy: So the reason I joined was because something wasn't right inside. Like I knew and when I started to hear, Oh my gosh, it's because we've been so conditioned and understanding the feminism piece and understanding the history of controlling women's bodies, I was like, no wonder. So it was just an internal longing for understanding why it didn't feel aligned for me.
Candy: And honestly, those couple of days I was texting you about this program and about to sign, my heart was like. This is what you've been waiting for. I know it sounds a little dramatic, but like this is what you've been longing for over five years, the why it hasn't felt aligned. And so I had a full body intuitive yes, like, ah, yes, you know what I mean?
Candy: It was very quick for me to, because I had been going through this process, I think this, and also I'm a postmenopausal woman and. part of this new transition into the next phase of life is what I want to even like spend my time on. I do not have any more anything, any more, like people like to say F's to give, right?
Candy: To put energy into anything that doesn't feel aligned anymore. And so when I came across this, I was like, holy cow, this is why. So that's why I said yes. And it did connect to helping my people. Absolutely. it was very personal too though. I really wanted to feel that alignment and understand why I hadn't.
Stephanie: So give the background for people listening. This is a, we're talking about texting DM conversation, but it's not me co pitching you. You came to me, you asked very specific question. I took the time to answer your question. I didn't rush you into a decision. I let it be the way it is. That's ethical selling. I used the DM conversation, but I didn't like co pitch you, force you into it. We just naturally human to human had a conversation via text and then you made your decision.
Candy: Exactly. And I really appreciated that. And I really noticed that difference in the way you interacted with me. There's another reason I was like, okay, she's doing things differently in business too. So I was like, ah. I got to get on in on this. Yeah.
Stephanie: And I just want to say there's the reason why we do things differently in business. And the reason why I teach differently in business is because when you've. Understood how the system work, not only with diet culture, weight and body, but with how the system interact with women. You don't have a choice, but to do things differently. And when you're regulated as an individual, there's no way. So if you're listening to this and you're like, all the things I've been taught about business don't feel good anymore. They feel yucky. I don't want to do them. It's probably because you've you've healed yourself.
Stephanie: You're regulated and the old way of doing business doesn't match who you are anymore because you don't have a choice to show up differently in your business when you're aligned and regulated. I think that's what you said. Candy, like the whole pendulum thing, like, the more work you did on yourself, the old way, like the extreme way didn't work anymore.
Stephanie: 100%. Yeah. We're going to wrap this up because I committed to keep that. Consumable for people and respecting the listeners time. I just want your parting word to somebody who's listening to this. Perhaps that were where you were, what would you say to them?
Candy: I'm a different person and I like who I am and I'm so grateful. And if it feels like it resonates for your heart and soul, trust yourself, trust yourself.
Kate: Yeah, similar message. I mean, just listen to your gut, listen to your body, right? That's the embodiment practice and take a deep breath and check in. And if it feels right, can feel right. And it can feel scary at the same time. But if it feels right, then I mean, I. Have no regrets. I'm so glad and so proud that I said yes, and I'm also glad that I waited the year and a half and found when the time was right, you know, and there's no scarcity thinking and like doors are open. They're about to close. You have to sign up now. you know, if right now is not the time for you in six months, maybe it is or a year, you know, and that's the beauty of how you run your business too. So, yeah.
McKenna: I've taken other courses in the past and honestly, they've like promised the world or I thought they're going to be the answer to making my business what I want it to be and it didn't happen until this course, but my biggest takeaway is I've learned to trust myself and I would just like, say to someone, if you're really feeling that pull towards the course, Then to do it because you're not going to regret it. I really don't think you will. Yeah.
Stephanie: Thank you. The 3 of you for sharing your time with me and people who are listening to this today. Tomorrow. 2 years from now. Thank you very much. And for people listening, we've linked in the show notes. the name and the links of the individual that recorded the podcast today so you can go to the show note and find them there and how they're coming out into the world. So, thank you for having sharing this time with us. Ladies. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Stephanie: To our podcast production team, we're going to end the podcast here. The rest of the recording will be our regular session, so you can end your production of the podcast right here.
Stephanie: And now we're beginning the one on one session. I have to run to the bathroom. Oh, yeah, you go. The coffee needs to get out, eh? How was this experience, McKenna? That was your first podcast. How did that felt for you? Oh, I liked it. Just conversation.
McKenna: Yeah, someone once told me maybe I'd be, that'd be my route, this is a different business thing, but I was talking about things, they're like, you sound like someone who would like a podcast, and I was like, Okay, I'm just going to leave that there, let's pretend you didn't say that, but I actually really knew I did.
McKenna: I also enjoy listening to them and, hearing a real human
Kate: speak of their experience. Without being scripted. Yes. Yeah, exactly. It takes a lot of, I just want to say it takes a lot of courage to have an open ended conversation like this without scripting what people are going to say about you or your program.
Kate: Yeah. Because many podcasts will only select the people, they won't invite broadly people, they'll select their, what they categorize as their best student, and they will script what they want to say. Like it's all about the control, where for me it's about letting you speak your truth, and your truth is what other people need to hear.
Kate: Now as far podcast for yourself, It's really easy these days. It's not complicated. If you go into the portal under, the marketing section, there is two classes on how to start a podcast. There's a class on me showing you how to think about a podcast and what to put in it. And then there's a class from Kim who shows you how to use the tool called Buzzsprout, which is a platform for podcasting that allows you to broadcast your podcast and edit your podcast.
Kate: Okay. So all you need is. It's a decent microphone that can be bought for a hundred bucks on Amazon. Like it doesn't have to be complicated because remember our podcasts, there's two ways to think about a podcast. There's a income generating podcast that is generating income based on advertiser. Usually the top ranking podcasts on platforms are, income producing.
Kate: That's a lot more complicated and it takes a lot of lining up sponsors and topics and guests and all of that. And then there's your podcast being your marketing tool, like me. There's no sponsors. It's low cost production and intro music, words, that's it. There's no complication. And then that's a marketing tool.
Kate: It's you being you and then clients wanting to work with you use the marketing, the podcast as a way of making their decision to work with you. And that costs very little, maybe cost I don't know, a podcast feed. 20 bucks a month, the cost of your microphone, and your time.
Kate: So, it's a great marketing tool if you are capable of speaking your truth.
Kate: So, it becomes really easy. You just grab your microphone and you say words. It just takes a lot of ability to be you. And I think you're there. So it's just a matter of... And the other thing I want to say about podcasts, before I let you go on this topic, is again, you don't have to produce all the time.
Kate: Some of the most... Some of my student most efficient podcasts have been, like, 10 podcast episodes, they produce 10 podcast episode, they put it on a feed, and they're constantly sending traffic there when people make a decision to work with them, they go to the, it doesn't have to be every week or twice a week, because you don't work with sponsor, you don't have production, You don't have to produce so much, so just make it what you need it to be, not what the industry says it has to be.
Kate: Okay, so we're here for coaching then.
Kate: Okay, who do I have today for one on one coaching? I have McKenna and I have Candy on the docket for today. Is there one of you that want to go first?
Kate: And we may have, we may not use the full 90 minutes today. I don't feel you need to talk. did somebody raise their hand.
Liz: Talk about a couple of little things I would like to talk about this pendulation process. then I'm going through, and I also had kind of an emotional thing with family happened this weekend.
Liz: So, as I was talking about it on the podcast just a few minutes ago, the pendulation process, I don't have a lot of desire to do anything, Stephanie, I really don't. When you were talking about podcasts right now, I felt a tiny bit of Ooh, that sounds fun. And that's the first time that something sounded like fun or interesting about business.
Liz: Yeah. And so I'm just kind of, I'm in this present moment right now realizing, well, maybe do that then. You know what I mean? Because I'm really still in this place of, I don't want to be online,
Liz: but I like the idea of being on a podcast. So, long story short, I have several thoughts of I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. And, part of it is some of the old programming around everybody in here is like a certified dietician, nutritionist, and I am not, there's some like less than thoughts in there.
Liz: but there's also some of what I said on the podcast was like, I just don't have the energy to do anything that I don't want to do anymore. Or like I choose to, I don't want to do anything that doesn't, that just doesn't feel good anymore. So I was kind of interested, just as you were saying that two seconds ago, podcast, I'm like, Ooh, that actually sounds kind of interesting.
Liz: So I'm just holding myself in that there's a lot kind of just all over the place there. But I think right now my brain's making it a problem that I have no desire and it's painful.
Kate: So my, my, where I'd like to bring you what you said that's very interesting is I have no desire to do what I don't want to do.
Kate: So is there a belief that in order to have a business, you must do what you don't want to do?
Liz: Yeah, post a lot.
Kate: you know, think about food, right? So, often people, before they come to us, they have this idea of what, not dieting is, which is the fat woman, the typical fat woman eating donut with food coming out of her mouth.
Kate: Right? that's the visual of not dieting, that they've been programmed to think by society. it's either you're dieting and you're working towards losing weight, or you're eating doughnuts all day long and you're just disgusted. thing human being like spilling food out of our mouth. Do you get what I'm saying?
Liz: 100 percent 100 percent
Kate: So if you were in the past sold the idea that doing business must be go, is it possible that you don't know? To your first set. That's what I got all
Liz: the time. Gotta hustle to your first 100k.
Kate: Yeah, so is it possible that the only way you can think about business is that way you're like, I don't want to do this. Therefore, I don't want to do business. Sure,
Liz: I believe there's some of that in there for sure. Yeah, I and as you were talking, I noticed just a little bit of emotion of just being fearful.
Liz: this feels so curious. I'm just noticing all these things coming up as I'm talking. There's fear in there. And I felt also a lack of self trust because I got so good at that other way and it's what my nervous system knew. And so, I feel almost like a little kid in this new, this new idea of it can be done differently.
Liz: And I'm really afraid. It's really curious.
Kate: Yeah. So what's interesting is you just said it's curiosity, but it's also fear of doing it another way because I was so good the other way. The question is, were you really that good if you burnt out?
Liz: I mean, that's the story I tell myself, right? Because I got over 100k and I had all these clients and yeah.
Liz: I hate the sex markers, you know,
Kate: whatever those things. So the question is that it's also about what is, here's the other thing. So you don't know how to do it another way. So you're kind of don't know. So you're like, I don't want business. Is it that I don't want business? So I don't want to do it the way I know how to do it.
Kate: And the other thing is. Why do you want a business? It sound based on what you're talking that having a business is just about making money. Can there be another why to a business? Yeah. Yeah.
Liz: I mean, I didn't get into it for that reason. I always wanted to help people with emotions and mental
Kate: health.
Kate: So is it, is having a business, is it possible that having a business can just be the vehicle of service?
Liz: Oh, yes. And I really want to have that feel embodied. That's the desire. And there's fear in the way.
Kate: Right. So that means this whole whatever six figure thing gets like completely taken off. Because if the goal of having a business is service, then having three clients, you've achieved your goal.
Liz: It's putting them. Weight loss on the back burner. This is what I'm hearing you say.
Kate: Sure, if you want to see it this way.
Liz: You'd think I was on my period, but that doesn't happen anymore.
Liz: that's the thing that just came up. It's like putting the 100k on the back burner, putting the weight loss on the back burner, we're just releasing it, right?
Liz: I can see that connection.
Kate: So is that's the question we need to answer when this is very specific to somebody who's been indoctrinated in the whole 6 figures, 6 months,more money like this. This is unfortunately the most common way of, Thinking about business and believing about business so if you've been indoctrinated into that.
Kate: It's you have to rebuild your belief system around business completely. Right.
Kate: Is then, if business is not about making 100K, then 200K, then half a million, and then a million, if that's not why, then is it worth it?
Kate: Is if you think about it another way money versus service in the old paradigm,
Kate: can it move to neutrality and can it move that service is more important than money. And is that a motivator for you to record the podcast to go to the networking meeting to invite people into consultation?
Liz: I think it could be. I mean, that's what my heart has always wanted to be in dealing with service and I mean. When I was doing it before, I was doing my best to do that because that's just who my heart is, you know, but I had that kind of toxic other stuff indoctrinated as well. That's another reason why it's still aligned.
Liz: Right.
Kate: And so think about like your service got corrupted with capitalism, right? Like you were coming in at it. Well, you were coming at it from service, but this, the normalized capitalism money at all costs corrupted the file of service. So now it's just about cleaning up the file of service and let it be what it needs to be and what you were meant to serve the world with.
Kate: And if that means 100K, then it means 100K. But if it means 30K, 50K, it takes you four years, It's also okay.
Kate: No, that's useful. So, here's the other question you want to ask yourself. It's okay to not want a business. So, imagine yourself your next 10 years. For the sake, just to put a number, what would you do with yourself? If it's not serving and building a business that serves people. Where would you put your resources, your time?
Kate: And it's okay if you say Netflix, if you want to watch Netflix for 10 years, like there's nothing good or bad, you know, I need five years of Netflix. Okay, sure. Let's do five years of Netflix.
Liz: I don't want to do that much Netflix because I actually don't feel good. I don't feel good when I do. I don't feel like I am being me and I feel shame when I watch too much
Kate: Netflix.
Kate: Oh, that's another, we need to coach on that. There should be no shame. But do you know what I'm saying? When I'm
Liz: doing it for hours and I would rather be like loving people. That's why, you know, it feels so good to love people.
Kate: So maybe it's not a business. Maybe it's a involvement in your church, becoming a priest in your church, or do you know, there's so many ways,
Kate: but how are you going to. No matter what it is, we need to contribute into the world. Yeah. Some people contribute with a business and service. Some people contribute with helping in their religion. Some people, I don't know, leads Girl Scout. I saw somebody posting that they are leading Girl Scout. That's their thing.
Kate: Like their free time goes into, as a grown woman, to lead little girls. How do we contribute into the world?
Kate: Living a prosperous life, many people think it's about making more money, but it's not. It's like you creating happiness right now in your life, you putting out into the world service, value, and then wealth. Prosperity is just not a million dollar in a bank account. Prosperity is your valuing and prioritizing your happiness.
Kate: Impacting the world projecting value into the world, and then wealth will come and in wealth, maybe 100, 000, maybe 10 million. There's no numbers to determine wealth.
Liz: I think there's a thought in there. Oh, my gosh. Okay. If I get it completely right and make the right choice about exactly what I want to do, then I'll be happy.
Liz: You know what I mean? Or then I'll be calm. So I see that in there that, grass is greener thinking. I'll be happy when thinking, but when you ask the question, like, how do I want to contribute into the world?
Liz: I've always been a teacher. I'm not going back to the classroom ever again. I will not do that to myself, but I've always been a teacher mentor coach and
Liz: I do love talking about business. I like talking to people about what they like to do. I like talking to people about. Yeah, I need to just kind of think on that because that's kind of where I've been. It's what do I really want to do? What do I really want to be?
Kate: My only other recommendation or prescription for you would be to fill the void of not knowing how to run a business any other way.
Kate: Like before making a decision to say that business is not for me. What if you're like witness or think about what it could be without. The old reference framework,
Liz: and you know what? That feels good. I want to try that. No, and if I were to be like, okay, let's go figure out how to be like, I don't know, a therapist or whatever else I want to, you know, think about do when I don't want to do that.
Liz: This actually feels okay, yeah, I'd like to figure out how it feels to run a business in
Kate: a different way.
Kate: And 1 last thought before we go to the family thing, this whole ideology of dietitian and nutritionist. I just want to remind you that I'm a coach without certification. I'm pretty good at it. I'm better than maybe many people who have a damn certification on it. So, you can do exactly what you want to do without being a nutritionist or dietitian.
Kate: It actually means nothing.
Liz: Oh, here's the thought that just popped up. Women in my age group want an expert with a bunch of letters behind.
Kate: Is it? Do you want to work with those people? Usually I do. You want to work with people who only believe in two people who have seven letters after their name? You want to work with these women?
Liz: No. Like the reason I came to you is because you were smart. You had business training. You had a dietitian, but then you had this completely opposite thing. You know what I mean?
Kate: Yeah, but I don't have a business degree. I don't have an MBA. I have life experience of business.
Kate: That's true. I've got loads of life experience. I've been told many times, by the way, that I'm better than many therapists. Oh, I don't have no fucking therapist degree.
Liz: That's
Kate: because
McKenna: a lot of therapists suck and I'm just going to say it.
Kate: Don't do that. It's not the degree, do you know what I'm saying? They can have the degree and they suck. The
McKenna: degree means nothing. The degree means nothing in my world now because... I had a therapist who pretty much told me I sucked and I was doing everything wrong last year.
McKenna: So she caused me more harm than good. So I'm just going to say it took a lot of searching and a lot of reading
Kate: bios
McKenna: before I was like, you're worth going into actually do a session with and I'm a friend who's a social worker here who is like one of the most lovely counselors you will meet in this city.
McKenna: Who was like, yeah, it's really hard to find someone who I know will fit with you. They're like, don't exist in this city. And I was like, no shocker there. No shocker.
Kate: So it's a normal thought to have, Candy. Just don't, just question if you want to put belief behind that thought. Or just You're there, thank you.
Kate: Yeah,
Liz: you're right. I wrote down, just focus on my belief. I just wrote that. Okay, got it. I think I'm good. I do want to figure out how to fill that void, like you said, of not knowing how to, of knowing how to run a business a different way. Yes, I do want to focus on that, and I do want to explore this curiosity that just popped up in my heart, oh, actually podcast could be fun, and follow that, that, inner sensation, You know,
Kate: like your life coach for menopause, postmenopausal or whatever you want to call it from the angle of body image and self confidence instead of being from the angle of religion or from the angle of health, like you just have your own spin on this coaching women in that age group.
Kate: Do you want to work on the family thing or you're good?
Liz: why don't we come back to it if there is time? Somebody else again. Okay. Thanks.
Kate: First
McKenna: off, questions about the rejecting diet mentality resources. I know there's the anti diet book. I know we've talked about this. I just cannot recall
Kate: resources. So I would, is it for you or for clients? It's for clients.
Kate: I wouldn't give them too much books. So just
McKenna: like the anti diet, cause that's pretty.
Kate: Because what they're going to get stuck into is intellectualization. Okay,
McKenna: no, I was just curious because the current client who came on she's read that book so that it she got it just Got me thinking for future like if no one's ever been exposed to the anti diet mentality at all
Kate: Here's the other place would be from the same author Wellness culture.
Kate: Okay, that's what I'm wellness
?: trap. Yep.
Stephanie: Yep. Yep, because it's the other paradigm. So If it's not if the client's okay, I'm accepting that it's not about weight loss, but then they're going to swing to, well, it's about my health. Now we need to talk about wellness culture. That's what this
?: client, what's it called?
?: It's the Wellness Trap by, is it Christy Harrison? Christy
Stephanie: Harrison? It's the same author for both books. she's a dietitian who doesn't work really with people anymore. she's a journalist and she writes books and articles and do media stuff on. The anti diet world.
?: okay. That's helpful though, because it's the, I see it now where this client read anti diet book and it's it's not about the weight, but it's about my health.
?: So now she's swung to the wellness side of things.
Stephanie: Yeah. So if you listen, I did an interview with Christie, whatever on the podcast recently in January, I think. The reason why she wrote the book is because she's been through that herself and that we were Have the podcast talking about that's what I did.
Stephanie: That's what she did. That's what our client do So she wrote the book on okay now like it's no longer about weight loss now It's about health and then she like unpacked all that detoxes and cleanse bullshit thing with supporting evidence Yes.
Stephanie: the next. Okay. Here's my thing. And honestly, I forgot it was me who was up today and I've just been like, didn't really think about this. honestly, I've just been content. I even shared that with my parents. I've just been like content. I was just like, I woke up feeling like, yeah, I woke up feeling like a different person yesterday, but it had to do with, it was my partner's six months.
?: treatment. He gets it every six months and six months. And there was just like this different sense of gratitude for life. that I just, I think most people look past, like I'll literally look outside and look at a tree and be like, that's beautiful. That's cool. there's a lot of just like really mudane moments that have started happening over the last year that it's just who am I becoming?
?: Because I can just tune out what's happening in the world and be like, See other yeah, see other things, but I started thinking about what has been coming up over the last few weeks and it's I want clients and I remember in the beginning I was doing a lot of like belief like the clients will come like trusting myself and then I kind of slid away because I started to do more just like I'm going to trust myself, not fear waking.
?: I started going down more that route. But I do want clients. But then there's this part of me that goes, I've been thinking about this for a few months of putting something out there I'm now accepting, five clients because I'd like to just, put a number and, if I could get, five more and work with five for a while and really build up my coaching, that would be great.
?: But then there's this part of me who, comes in and it's you're not ready. You're, like, you're not, your life isn't ready. But then there's a part of me who's, You know, that doesn't work that mindset because life is always going to be happening. And if you wait till you're ready, you will never be in this place of ready.
Stephanie: So why is it a problem that those old thought comes up? It's not a
?: problem. I think I just have to act on it and put it out there that I'm accepting clients. And
Stephanie: are you even accepting clients? How does that feel saying I'm accepting clients? Oh, it feels good. Like I want clients. But are you really accepting clients?
Stephanie: Or are you just... Putting yourself out there and whoever needs to come like this whole notion of accepting. Were you ever denying clients? no. So, so just clear on the world on the accepting clients is a really, it's used to position yourself as somebody who's got a massive wait list. And now I'm taking client the first come first serve kind of shit.
Stephanie: Do you know? Yeah, no, I get what you're saying. So, did you ever if you say, I've never denied client, then you're not accepting client. You're just ready to help people and have people work with you. Is that correct? Yeah. So it's more. So I'm looking for more clients. Yeah, so here's the first question is you're saying, yeah, I'm ready for first time.
Stephanie: And then I have the thought I'm not good enough for more client normal, like nothing has gone wrong for you having this dichotomy. Now, are you going to coach yourself through it or accept the validity of this thought? Oh, well, I'm not going to accept it.
?: If I would have accepted
Stephanie: it, I wouldn't be here.
Stephanie: Okay, good. So you're going to expect that thought to show up every morning. Yes. Right and you're going to meet it with, compassion makes total sense that you were that you brain Lizzie in my case would think I'm not good enough to do this. Thank you very much. Because that's my whole belief system.
Stephanie: Thank you. But we still going to offer a program out into the world and see who needs it. Does that make sense? Yes. So my advice for you is this is you need. Offer into the world, an opportunity to work with you. Like we want more client, but we need to go out there telling people that we can help them with this, and this and that.
Stephanie: So for an example, without judgment, how many offers, how many times did you publicly talk about you have a program and it can help people with this DME or book a consultation? How many times have you made an offer? In the last say week,
Stephanie: not at all
?: because my last post I didn't make it as an offer, but that was a personal decision.
Stephanie: That's okay.
?: I, yeah, it was a whole, it was a whole thought download that I had and I didn't want it to be, it felt sleazy to me to share something super vulnerable and then try to turn around into a work with me.
?: Just being like a first time sharing such a vulnerable story. I didn't want to like, and I think part of it is I let thoughts get to my head because I see that in bro marketing where people take some people in my life take vulnerable stories, and then it becomes like the only thing they talk about and then they like persuade people to work with them.
?: So part of it was my thought download and still I guess a bit of like bro
Stephanie: marketing thoughts. And totally valid, right? And is it true that it's lazy? No. No. But in that moment, you created the feeling of resistance. Because you entertain the thought it's sleazy to talk about working with me after sharing such a vulnerable event.
?: But then I just was it's okay. It'll probably change in time, but it's just normal and just it's okay. I don't have to do it all at once.
Stephanie: Well, exactly instead of thinking I'm not going to do it because it's sleazy. You could have selected the thing right now. I just want to build safety for being vulnerable online and I
?: feel like that's the route.
?: I went where I let go of the fact that it was sleazy. And I was just like, it's okay. right now you don't feel comfortable doing that. In time, it'll
Stephanie: likely happen totally. Okay, but you're not doing it because it's sleazy. You're doing it to build safety. Yes, I think about it that way different thought different feeling.
Stephanie: Yes. So, I want to take this example to say, making offer is the same thing you will hear about making offer it from every business program because it's the foundation of, interaction and exchange. You need to make an offer to receive. And people have to accept an offer to receive from you, like the concept of offer is not a problem, it's why you're doing it and how you're doing it.
Stephanie: Does that make sense? Yeah.
Stephanie: So how do you want to think about an offer? that's where you want to build your belief and your thought. An offer is what for me? It's an invitation to work with me. Yeah. It's an exchange of value. I have value to offer. bing. These are all the valuable things I can offer to people that will truly, in my view at this point in time, really change their life.
Stephanie: And the value I'm asking back to always make an offer fair because that's a whole, like I need to offer as much because the world doesn't have money and I need to make my offer, accessible to people. That's a whole other bullshit socialization crap. You need, you're not presenting that, but you make, you need to make the exchange of value equal.
Stephanie: You're going to offer this value that's going to impact their life. How much money do I want? How much money do I believe this is valued at right now?
Stephanie: So now an offer is an exchange of value,
Stephanie: an equal exchange of value between you and your future client.
Stephanie: How does that land with you? Oh, it lands good. Yeah. I'm just like,
?: I was thinking about different scenarios where, I pay someone for something and value.
Stephanie: But, yeah, it's value everywhere from the plumber to the therapist to the grocery that you buy is just. It's always an exchange of value and wherever you fell that you got ripped off is because the alignment of value you believe is not equal between the 2.
Stephanie: Do
Stephanie: you know what I'm saying? Yep, so then if you've not been making a lot of offer, the other thing that's so you need to like, think of it in terms of value and putting it out to help the world. You need to build your belief there. And then the other thing is your nervous system will feel really uncomfortable making offer for the next.
Stephanie: 2 to 3 months, it's it's okay to have all the belief in the world, but you all thought will come up. So are you willing to learn to make offers through discomfort? Yes.
?: I mean, most of what I've done has been through discomfort the last
Stephanie: few months. So that's the key for everybody, are you willing to consistently make offer that are aligned with your value in a way that feels good to you and to build up this capacity to make offer in this way, true discomfort.
Stephanie: So, are you willing to say, I don't know, I'm going to set up a goal of making 3 offer for the next 4 weeks every week. Okay. Yeah. You know, I'm going to take,and I would say your brain's going to, it's going to default to making it in a caption of a post buried at the bottom, but big and bold right on the front.
Stephanie: And on video, I want you to speak about, I knew this was
?: coming. I knew this was, I was waiting for you to say all
Stephanie: this. It's easy to bury it in the caption in the CTA, a call to action.
Stephanie: I'm not saying it's good or bad. There needs to be some of that. That's, this is almost like my point of view is I share my life publicly to help people and the way to help people is by them into my program. So there's very little post that is, does not have a call to action to get into my world. To me, it's just given.
Stephanie: Why would I make a post if it's not to let people that they can work with me. Yep. You got it. So that's to me, that's easy. Yeah. It's a whole other level to have a conversation on video embodying, work with me confidently. So you got to practice because the first dozen of time you're going to do this and your voice is going to be shaking.
Stephanie: You got to build up the capacity to make an offer with your whole body and be confident about it. So are you able to do that for the next four weeks? And be really uncomfortable through the process.
Stephanie: That's how you get more clients.
Stephanie: How do you feel now? Oh, I already
?: feel the uncomfortableness beginning, but I can't.
Stephanie: But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know.
?: I think just the last year and the last few months in this, it's really just like putting a video on social media. It's just so minimal compared to everything else that's going on in my life right now. But it's just Everyone's gonna perceive it differently as long as I, I feel good, okay in it and I believe in it.
?: It really doesn't matter what anyone
Stephanie: else thinks. Bingo, but the old neuropath way will fire up. Oh, yeah. 100%. There just will so expect them to come online and then have to ride the wave and calm your nervous system and like You're gonna have to practice that dozens of times in order for you to become the version of yourself who?
Stephanie: Makes offer, gets client, has a way of living her life. So it's no longer, I just want to say to you, here's the picture. It's no, for me, it's no longer, should I make an offer or not? I just make offer all the fucking time. It's just who I have become.
Stephanie: If that's what it takes to have a business, but I do it in a way that doesn't cost me my nervous system health. It doesn't cost me my mental health. It doesn't cost me my emotional health. It doesn't cost me thousands of dollars in Facebook ads, you know, like I do it in the way that's sustainable for the rest of my life.
Stephanie: Yes, I got. Yeah. Do you want to become that? Yeah. Today is day one of the next phase of creating that version of you. The next four weeks of you feeling like terrible having to make offers on video.
Stephanie: I'll come to that phase two of your life.
?: I think where he had caught up is knowing how to put in terms that someone's going to comprehend,
Stephanie: understand. Bro marketing or toxic business culture will tell you how. Give me your email. I'll give you the PDF on how to formulate the offer perfectly. I will say to you, there's no right way.
Stephanie: There's McKenna's way.
Stephanie: Your brain is doing what brains do. Tell me the right way, so I'll be safe. And I'm saying there's no right way. There's your way.
?: Yeah, it seems simple, but I like it. It's simple, but then I'm like, sure, seems simple intellectually, but then when I go to speak or think about how to say it is where I get caught up.
Stephanie: That's where the discomfort shows up. Yeah, that's where the voice gets shaky. That's where you mumble and fumble on your words.
Stephanie: What I'm saying to you is the shaky voice the mumbling and mumbling on the words is what will make you find the best way for you. Thank you. Okay.
Stephanie: Well, like for
?: me, it's I think it's simple is it's the options there that you don't have to dislike your body for your lifetime and you can live free of your body and then you don't have to fear food like you can enjoy it and you can not have your worth attached to it.
Stephanie: Say that. I have another coach.
Stephanie: Here's what she's done over the last 2 years. She's been doing, consultation. So she bought this cute little journal and every consultation. She's been writing like the story of the client without their name. And now. Most of her posts are consultation stories. She markets using all the consultations she's done, and then she shows the world that she's a coach by telling the story and how she proposed that client to solve that problem.
Stephanie: So people are like, Oh, she's talking about me and that proposition of solving my problem is great. That's her way.
Stephanie: What's your way? For me, it's been a lot anchored on my story. My marketing is a lot anchored on my story. It doesn't have to be your way. What's your way? And you're going to have to try different ways to find the one that makes you feel the best and that people resonate with. Okay. So try that way you just said.
Stephanie: Go on video, tell a story, and tell that to people. First of all, the next month is not even about getting success. It's about you getting over being uncomfortable. You know? Fuck the result at this point is just getting your nervous system to seeing making an offer is safe. It's not about getting clients.
Stephanie: About building the safety of making an offer, non scripted, and not having, to coach your nervous system for two weeks after. Okay. Perfect. You know? Don't attach it to the number of clients. You're not ready for that.
Stephanie: All right.
Stephanie: Is that, does that feel good? yes. It feels uncomfortable, but it feels aligned. That's all. Yeah, I now
?: have a direction to go
Stephanie: with it. Perfect. That's all I needed. it's
?: there are all these things going on. I can just jump into that two months ago and bring up this, but now it's I feel like I'm there.
?: I need to start making offers if I want this to actually
Stephanie: be successful. you need to make offer today to have five clients in six months. Yeah. Yeah. And when you have the five clients, you have to continue to make offer to have your next 10 clients. And when you have 10 clients, you're like, Oh, I had a full schedule.
Stephanie: Great. I'm stopping marketing. Error. Continue marketing. So you can bring in the next 10 clients. Yes. There's never an end point to marketing. So you got to fall in love with it. All right. Okay. Yep. Yep. Amazing. We still got two or 40 minutes. I believe. Kate. Okay. This is great. Cause this is like a continuation of this whole conversation.
Stephanie: So
?: I have, a marketing opportunity. I have a networking meeting tomorrow. On zoom with, a woman who connected with me through Instagram, but she's here local. And I think we could, she sounds really cool. She's a therapist. She's a somatic coach. She's running women's retreats, like all over the world, like something you would sign up for.
?: Like she's going to Machu Picchu in the spring. And, three people I know in real life have been on her retreats. So, there's all these signs, and I've reached out to them, tell me about Kim. What do you, what do I need to know? Anyway, she is hosting, in the spring, she's calling it a women's leadership retreat here in
Stephanie: town.
?: and she's looking for speakers. And so that's how we connected. So that's what this networking meeting is
Stephanie: about. she's looking
?: to, I think it's 90 people is the size of the event.
?: She is asking people to, to pay for the opportunity to speak. So she's looking for like corporate sponsors and speaking sponsors. So she sent me the information, but I'm also trying, I have questions about it. The marketing speak. So this is like my net, like the internet world feels safe to me. It's like being public in a room of 90 women who are local, who like, I will run into at the grocery store, you know, like it's a next level of, Vulnerability and intimacy for me and my business.
?: And it also feels really aligned, so far in just the information I've collected. So
?: my, I guess where I want to go with this is
?: I'm really like brainstorming now on like how to really serve this group. like I'd like to come to the meeting tomorrow with her. I've here's a couple of ways, different ways I'm thinking I can serve your audience. yeah, in this women's leadership. I need some more information about who she thinks like the audiences.
?: are they corporate people or entrepreneurs? It seems like she's more in the entrepreneurial space.
Stephanie: and also I'm scared. So, what do you need help from me on? Yeah, question there. Yeah.
?: I guess the place where I could use help is like the creative process. Yes. of coming up with a topic and then the content to really serve this audience.
Stephanie: Well, so here's, this is my thoughts when I hear leadership, right? Yeah. So when I hear leadership, I typically will hear like holder women, 35 plus.
Stephanie: Usually, leadership is sold to this more wiser, older, experienced people. So right away, I'm falling into, it's women, it's people, we'll imagine 35 and over. Right, so they're in your audience as peripnopause. Yeah. And if they're a leader, they're a leader in corporate structure, they're a leader in business, how, what do they need?
Stephanie: what is their problem? Probably they won't want to talk about how much they bleed on their period. That's not going to be a topic. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like I don't see you going on stage and talking about men's season periods and all of this together inside. Yes, totally. Typically people in leadership, the word confidence is the thing, right?
Stephanie: Being in your power, right? These are the kind of problems. S that these women have. . So how do you observe that? So then my mind goes to
?: body image, right? Like body image in the workplace?
Stephanie: Or you wanna be careful? I think the roof is body image, but I don't think that's how they would speak about it.
Stephanie: Ah, yeah. You see what I'm saying? if you say, pitch to her, I wanna do a body image thing. eh, yeah. it's not gonna be sellable. Right. To this group of people, but confident, can you sell confidence through body image, but not make it about body image? Do you see what I'm saying? So it
?: just to clarify, so then more leaning into the thought work.
Stephanie: Are you talking about what you're gonna talk about in your talk or the pitch idea to this woman?
?: okay. No, I was skipping ahead to the content. So, okay, in the
Stephanie: pitch idea. Got it. The pitch idea is solving a problem that her people have. Yeah.
?: So creating
Stephanie: confidence. Yes. Being in your power and all of that.
Stephanie: But I'm going to do it by talking about women, confidence, and body. And I'm going to talk about it from a place of, I don't know, systemic feminism. I'm going to talk about it from a lens of how, I don't know, it depends if it's about business, how women are conditioned to think impacts their ability to make money or to be in business.
Stephanie: Yeah. And I'm going to do it through like how they feel in their body and how they're like confidence and all of that. But it's not a talk about Purely body image, right? It's how to achieve the solution to their problem. But my take on it is different. It's true embodiment. It's true being comfortable in your body comfortable with your gray hair.
Stephanie: If that's our audience and your wrinkles. Yeah, claiming your wisdom, claiming your age. Yeah.
Stephanie: How does that land with you? It lands, yeah.
?: Yeah, it feels really good.
Stephanie: Yeah. When we pitch, it's always about how can I think the problem they solve and say, yes, I can solve that problem. I'm going to solve it this way, and this is why this is different. I'm going to solve it through the lands of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. But I'm still going to solve that problem.
Stephanie: But I'm going to solve it differently. Yep, bitching often people think it's about, putting myself out there new. It's not about imposing your idea. It's about solving your collaborators problem and saying, yes, I'm going to solve it and being confident. You can solve it, but I'm going to solve it differently.
Stephanie: But don't go to her and say, I'm going to do a talk on body image. She's going to say no. Yeah. Right,
?: right, but creating confidence through embodiment
Stephanie: owning that time of your life like don't call it like perimenopause how to handle perimenopause know how to handle your power in your years of menopause.
Stephanie: Okay. Okay. That's really helpful. Is that helpful? Yeah. So come in and ask a ton of questions in the meeting to make sure you fully understand her problem. And then pitch on solving her problem through the different lenses. And it's likely going to be something around embodiment, confidence, based on leadership confidence that I've attended.
Stephanie: It's going to be something about being in your power, confidence, owning your space. Claiming your power and a lot of that has to do with body image. Yeah,
Stephanie: yeah. You could also picture think, you know, Kim Eagle. Think about what she's doing right now. Yeah. She's associated with this company who does retreat as a coach. And she gets a lot of her client through that way. She's not trying to take the place of this person. She's I can coach your people too.
Stephanie: Yeah. you can, I can go on the retreat with you as a coach, facilitating your idea and then I can use CBT to coach your people. That's a great way of starting into this women who have, your women's world, being a coach for her. yeah, totally. I mean,
?: I see her, our businesses is very, complimentary.
Stephanie: So make sure that you pitch on CBT and how you're like a coach who use cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe she'll hire you to come on those, some of those retreats and being a coach for people facilitating her. Make sure you're aligned to her value. Make sure that what you teach you're aligned and if you are, you can facilitate coaching for her.
Stephanie: Yeah. Thank Yeah, I love that. So there's too many different ways you can go about networking with this person. It's good.
?: It's yeah, it's actually like getting me excited to do like in person networking, which I haven't
Stephanie: done at all. You know, it's coming back right now. I'm seeing more and more face to face conference coming back.
Stephanie: Yeah. And big company like Rachel Roger is putting back her conference right now. Like she hadn't been in three years, but it's an investment. You have to think she's investing a million dollar up front to render room, do all the things for this conference. But before, because of the COVID, people weren't buying tickets.
Stephanie: So there's a shitload of money that was lost in the industry of people investing up front and losing. Millions of dollars of people not coming to their conference and it sound like now people are coming back. Yeah. Yeah, well, face to face networking, we'll start going up again. Yeah, I agree. Did we solve the question you had?
Stephanie: Yeah, this is good. It
?: gives me a lot to work with to prepare for this meeting tomorrow. Yeah. Thank you.
Stephanie: You're welcome. Ingrid, did you have anything you wanted to talk about? Are you good?
?: I'm good. I'm listening. I'm learning.
Stephanie: I know you are, and you have a new background. We have a...
?: Yeah,
Stephanie: it's a...
Stephanie: Yeah, it's a curtain. it's neutral. Neutral. So, last check in, if you want. If not, we can just, I mean, we've been together for two hours. We can end it here, or we can continue coaching. Are we good? Kate, you're good. McKenna, you're good. Are you good, Candy? Or do you want to work on the family thing? Well,
?: not really.
?: I kind of coach myself and my husband a bit. So, okay. I know what happened. I know what went on in my mind. I know that there was some stuff that was also weird on the part of my family.
Stephanie: I just want to say this. All of you need, depending where you are on your transition, like a lot of you talk on a podcast on how much you change.
Stephanie: I want you to think about how that impacts your partner. I am not a relationship coach, but I know one thing, you CastingWords Impacts the metrics of your relationship, your relationship up to now was built on you being this version of yourself. So, in the case of candy, the weight loss and the thin person and all of that.
Stephanie: So, as you change personally, it will change the matrix of your relationship with your partner.
Stephanie: Mine wasn't with, it was with. Or your family, it will change the metrics of your family. relationship.
Stephanie: How much space do you hold for the capacity of your family to adapt to this new version of yourself?
Stephanie: Because they up to now have known this version of you and also then you show up with this version of you. They didn't sign up for that.
?: Good question.
Stephanie: Sorry.
?: I see it the other way too. Because I mean, what I was going through this weekend is I had my brother and his Two, two of his kids and his wife came into town. Maybe I do want a little coaching, sorry. And I, they live in Arizona, so I don't see them often. But they came in for the F1 race.
?: And my stepson is, let's just say he's really, involved and has, he works with the cars. And he has, he had a whole like, set up that you have to be a VIP to get into. We let them go into it last year and they just showed up this year and didn't, and just acted oh, well, we're friends with you guys and they hardly talked to me at all.
?: That was just really weird. Their vibe was really weird. They acted like they owned the place. My steps annoyed that they were there and they hardly talked to me and I was like, this is weird. They've
Stephanie: changed too. How do you hold space for them changing? Well,
?: initially I was annoyed, but I breathed through it, and I said, Okay, my choice is to love, that's always going to be my baseline, and I'm just going to hold space for, Okay, this is actually something they all love, and I don't love it as much, so I'm just going to give them space to, be their thing.
?: but I was really hurt that they hardly talked to me, and the reason that they could even be there, was because of my stepson. You know what I mean? It was his business. He was annoyed because they were coming and eating his food and hadn't asked.
Stephanie: How does that relate to you?
?: he was kind of getting...
?: He was getting a little annoyed that they had just showed up and, I'm the connection. It's my family, you know, so it connected to me because they wouldn't have been there if it hadn't been for them knowing me and them getting the special permission to go last year and then them having made a lot of friends.
?: Some of his staff evidently said, yeah, come say hi, but they stayed around all day long and ate and drank and stuff and, just has to acted like it was, of course they did. Like they own the place and then didn't talk to me. It was really weird.
Stephanie: So there's two things you want to look at is how you're thinking about your stepson's business as being part of you. Your thought that if people get into your stepson's world, they owe you something for it. And it's like. Why is it hurting you that somebody doesn't talk to you? There's kind of two issues that I'm seeing here. forget about your son's business. why do people owe you to talk to you? Like, why do they owe you and socializing with you? What's the thought there?
Candy: Well, my two nieces that were there, we've always been close. Sure. It was like they were acting like they were teenage girls ignoring me. And I just really hurt. Well, the thought is. they shouldn't ignore me because we're friends,
Stephanie: but they chose to, what does that mean about you? What do you make it mean about you? It'd be the right question
Candy: and they did go down that path, which was, they don't like me anymore.
Stephanie: I feel rejected.
Candy: 100%. 100%. I felt rejected. Yeah. And I did see that this weekend. So I just tried to breathe through it and do my best to, process the hurt. And that's what I meant by like my husband's really great at holding space for me and I just kind of did what I had to do. We went for a walk, vomited it out, let myself breathe it through it and I felt better. But I mean, there's still a little bit of hurt in there,
Stephanie: which is normal, right?
Candy: Yeah, I decided to release it. I was so hurt by Saturday afternoon that, especially after my stepson told my husband that he was really annoyed that they just showed up and didn't know. I went and asked my nieces. I'm like, did somebody else.
Candy: Say it was okay for you guys to come. oh yeah. And they looked deceived. They looked deceptive because they'd make really good friends with a couple of his staff. Oh yeah. They said, come say hi. I'm like, oh, okay. Cause that's nice. That son didn't say that. That they had actually sent the opposite and I just kind of was like, anyway, so I, for my well being, I said, okay, I'm just going to give everybody the benefit of doubt.
Candy: I'm going to take my nose out of this. I'm going to take my hurt out of it and I'm going to just send them a quick little texting. Hey, looks like I may have gotten in the middle of a miscommunication here. I love you. I'm sorry. Have a great rest of your weekend. The end. So I feel proud of that, but I was really hurt.
Stephanie: So do you, here's a question. So there's a,there's a matrix, there's a circumstance that happened and the way you think about relationship created the rejection and created the behavior, the A line from rejection. Can you see that? Yeah. Thank you. The question for you
?: is they didn't even act like they wanted to see us at all flying.
Stephanie: Yeah. No, but the question is truly so what if they chose that?
?: It just seems really weird because we've always been I've always been so close to my niece and my nieces. And they were at our house for four or five days earlier this year. This is
Stephanie: the perfect example of relationship. Something happened in their life in the last however long you see.
Stephanie: How long has it been since you saw them? March. Okay, so roughly six months. A bunch of things happened in their life over the last six months. Which you don't know about, and that created the model of them showing up at this event with different A Line than before. And one of those A Line was not caring about you as much as they did before.
Stephanie: So their model, their A Line, you took, you observed their behavior of not caring about you or not socializing with you. That's their A Line of their model. You took that A line and made that mean something about you. You created a thought. That behavior of them says they don't like me as much anymore. F, rejection.
Stephanie: And then you created action from the rejected model. Do you want me to put this in writing or can you see it? Well, I
?: can see it this weekend. I can see it.
Stephanie: Yeah. The question for you is, You have to think about your belief about relationship. Do you want to continue to have this model happen in your life where you believe people hold you a certain type of behavior?
Stephanie: Or do you want to change your belief system about relationship so you don't expect behavior? From other people.
Stephanie: I know it's math. I can put it in writing if you want.
?: No, I get it. I'm just trying to decide really what I want.
Stephanie: You don't have to decide here. This is deep. This is beliefs about relationship we're talking about. This is deep. what do you want to believe about relationship between humans?
Stephanie: I'll go ahead.
?: the way that I'm choosing to get through this is just to release some expectations, honestly. I just have to release some, it's the expectations that I have that hurt. And I really want to be okay with that hurting, to be honest, because it's, it's a, it feels like a slap in the face.
?: Okay. I want to validate that it
Stephanie: hurts. So you got to live through the model today.
Stephanie: And that's okay. Like you got to think and feel the hurt. But you, if you want to move differently forward, you have to look at your belief system about family relationships.
Stephanie: In order for you to not, in years to come, constantly feel hurt, if that's what you want, or if you want to keep wanting to feel hurt by your family's behavior, then keep that same belief, and it will keep producing the same model.
?: Yeah, it's just challenging when some members of your family treat you more poorly
Stephanie: than strangers do. Is it true? Or is that your perspective?
?: No, I have some family members that are
Stephanie: that way. So, I just want to be clear that this is not a fact that's unnegotiable in the universe. It's your way of seeing that relationship to those family members that creates that thought.
Stephanie: I
?: have an abusive sister. I do. Sure. She is. She's flat out abusive. And it made me really terrified that these guys were going to start being like her. That's honestly it. And I don't talk to my sister anymore. And it hurt me because I love these people and we love each other. And I'm like, so I went to worst case scenario.
?: I was like, oh, no. Oh, no, did I do something? Oh, no.
Stephanie: So
Stephanie: what you're I'm physically or mentally by your sister and what you did is you saw that relationship through the lands of that traumatic experience. No, I didn't see that. That's what happened
?: don't leak it. It felt like that and it hurt really bad.
Stephanie: So. I'm just going to parallel this to make you see it from a non involved story. That is the same pattern that a woman who, for an example, was physically abused by a man. They will, for years after leaving that relationship, will have a traumatic experience to any other male's relationship because they will relive their new relationship through the lands of abuse in the past.
Stephanie: And the most non abusive men will get portrayed as abusive. yeah. Because that's the glasses they're wearing. Men are physically abusive.
?: My brother and his family have changed a lot over the last few years. and it's just been hard to
Stephanie: watch. So, and,
?: they,
Stephanie: Anyway, so again, tell me when you've had enough of being challenged in your thought pattern. They have changed. What if it's good for them in their model? They're changing in the way they want to change.
Stephanie: It just doesn't line up with you.
?: I want to be there. I want to get there. I know
Stephanie: that's what I'm saying.
?: Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the path to freedom. I didn't know and I'm just still a little hurt.
Stephanie: You are hurt because you keep hanging on to the thought that they shouldn't be changing that way.
Stephanie: We shouldn't be mean, it's it's very interesting because when you talk about family relationship, one of the things that I'm observing is that the coach lens completely goes away. Oh, girl. You see that? Yeah. Oh, right.
?: No, I totally know it because I mean, like I had, it's a lot of trauma in my childhood and whenever I get around him, I'm like,
Stephanie: you're like, it's me.
Stephanie: No, you're making it mean.
Stephanie: So that's what coaching is important as a coach is that your coach brings you back in the neutrality of the event. You take in this conversation, you take 20%, you gain 20 percent of neutrality. The next family event comes in, you talk about it with your coach, you gain another 20 percent of neutrality.
Stephanie: Your coach is there just to show you the potential of neutrality, not to make you become this new version of yourself right away. I'm just holding this place. What if? What if? What if? What if? Yeah, that's all I'm saying.
?: Yeah, the sad story was I'm like, I don't want to not talk to all my siblings and family.
?: It was like,
Stephanie: yeah, do you have is the black and white? I say, I have to not talk to them.
?: no, I know that I can still I mean, my niece did send a quick text back and say, Thank you. I love you. I love you. You know, but, yeah, I just went to worst case scenario. I was like, oh, no, I hope they don't turn into a relationship like my other sister.
?: I don't want to lose another sibling and they're cute kids and not have a connection there.
Stephanie: And what's the long term solution? If you don't want to lose that relationship. And that's why
?: I sent the apology and said, I think maybe I got caught in the middle of a miscommunication here and I'm sorry.
?: And so I felt good about that, and I love you and have a great weekend and release the expectation.
Stephanie: Yeah, in the context of our relationship, when we fully embody the fact that we cannot control the other person's behavior, the only solution to remain in our relationship is to change ourselves.
Stephanie: And I'll come back to the other flipping, the abusive relationship, that's what women do. Women change themselves and accept the abuse to stay in a relationship. But it's also true the other way if you're like no, I want to keep the relationship to my brother. I am going to change in order to maintain that relationship.
Stephanie: Am I okay with that? Or do I want to be who I am and cut them off? No,
?: I don't want to cut them off. I think that would be silly. That's not
Stephanie: necessary. Don't judge it. It's an option that is as good as the other one. Oh, yeah. Silly. No.
?: Well, in this case, it doesn't make sense. With my sister, a hundred percent makes sense with them.
?: You choose not to.
Stephanie: I choose not to. Yeah. Perfect. Neutral. It's not silly. I just choose not to. Then what do I need to change about myself in order for me to remain neutral in that relationship, to not trigger pain, to just remain neutral.
?: Honestly, just release expectations that they'll want to see me and just let them be
Stephanie: where they're at. Yeah, so change the belief that they want to spend time with me.
?: Yeah, that was the mismatch. I was so excited to see them. So excited to see them because I don't get to see them, you know, very often.
?: And
Stephanie: for them, they weren't excited.
?: Yeah, and it had never been that way before. So, it was really shocking. It was shocking to.
Stephanie: So there's also I want to, I'll give you guys the example of me and my brother over the years. There's topics. We just don't talk about there's a category of subject lines that we have just taken off the book.
Stephanie: Because every time we talk about it, our non negotiable differences show up and we end up arguing there's things like, we clearly taken off the docket in order for us to maintain a relationship.
Stephanie: So, there's, I don't talk politics. I don't think I don't talk about racism. I don't talk about all of those things because I know he has dramatically different. views in me and I cannot change it and I've accepted that. So the question I have to ask myself is do I want to be in a relationship with a brother who doesn't think the same way about me as oppression in the topic of oppression.
Stephanie: I for my brother I said yes but there's other people in my life I say no I don't want to be in a relationship like you're not valuable enough to me for me to tolerate this about you. 100%. So what's the matrix of your relationship with your brother? Honestly, I need to think
?: about I'm just releasing all expectations that they'll ever want to spend time with me, and I'm just going to choose to love them my way.
Stephanie: When they show up, let me show up. Yeah.
Stephanie: Ingrid, do you want to contribute to ask something? Yeah,
?: just that I do have the same thing with one of my sisters. She does not contact me, she doesn't want me to call her, and what I have, the way I think about it is I have released her. If she doesn't want me, then it's fine. It's her decision, and I can't do anything.
?: So it's, yes, so I have tried to coach my eldest sister because she is hurt by the same situation. She has been acceptable. She's not anymore. And yes, just don't engage in it. Release her. That's...
Stephanie: the only caution I'll make about that, this whole, it's not just about this circumstance, it's this whole world of releasing shit.
Stephanie: In order, from a cognitive perspective, in order to release shit, you need to change the beliefs. Just saying, oh, it's bullshit, from a nervous system and cognitive perspective, you have to do the thought work to change your belief about this human being. Yeah. Because it's not true that we can just press a button and release ships.
Stephanie: No,
?: it's not. It's, it was, this has been for many years. And in a way,I have accepted that us being sisters doesn't mean we will be friends forever.
Stephanie: That we're even talking. From the beginning,
?: yes. But I don't anymore. It's, I have my choice of who I want to befriend with, and she has hers,
Stephanie: and that's it.
Stephanie: But it doesn't mean anything about you.
?: No, it doesn't mean anything about me, because, yeah, it's just her choice. I don't know why, and I don't care.
?: And when I just, when I say release, I mean work on releasing the beliefs. Yeah, I do. And the emotions of letting them process through. That's what I mean by release.
Stephanie: One of the biggest beliefs that I had to change for me was the expectation that my family were, had to be supportive. I had this belief, and truthfully, you would go most places and they would say, yeah.
Stephanie: Like families should be supportive of their children, right? Everybody, you could almost think of it as a fact, but it's not. Right? But most people are so sold into this. Yeah, it's true. Like families should be supporting you. No, it's not. It's not a fact. I had to let go of the belief that families should be supporting their members.
Stephanie: And once I released that, I was able to have a neutral relationship with my family and their lack of support of me.
Stephanie: But I had to stop thinking about it as a fact. But as something most people choose to believe,
Stephanie: that's how you're scratching your voice. You want to say something? Yeah, it's
?: just helpful. That is something you said earlier. And I already forgot about, but you'd asked a question that was very, that really made me think it was quite powerful, but that is really helpful because I think a lot in regards to business and other relationships in my life.
?: But I've never really thought about it, how you can, that way, because you're so right, everything tells you, your family should support you. And it's not necessarily, they, we might be able to be in a room together, but they might not support what, we might not support what one another does.
?: This all goes back to me nannying, actually. it's hard for me to explain to people, but I finally am in a place where even my dad had no idea what the relationship was like with them, and I, he said something, I was like, oh, no, because he's asking about what they do, and I was like, you know, don't really support what they do, rather not talk about it, but I love their kids, so I'm going to Phoenix, and that's that, we don't need to get into the details.
Stephanie: But that's the same thing. You can be in a relationship of money with this family without alignment and what how they earn money.
?: Exactly. And for years, I thought for not years, but at one point, I thought I had to be in alignment, right? It's no, you can coexist as humans. Completely outside of other areas of your life and I think that's where we as humans get it wrong.
Stephanie: Well, where most human gets it wrong is that, you mean I have to work on me? No, they have to change. Sure, that's a model, but that model will be a crash collision at some point.
Stephanie: You can choose to, do the work on yourself in order to create the relationship you want and that's because that's the only thing you can control. You won't make them stop selling weight loss. You won't.
?: It's interesting that you talk about the self growth because now I'm thinking of a comment I got from someone who said, you amaze me every time you speak, I'm more and more amazed by you.
?: And I was like, Oh, my gosh, that's self growth. That is 100 percent self growth. And that's me changing as an individual.
Stephanie: You decided that your circumstance of life weren't making you happy anymore. You could have say the world needs to change to make room for me. But you said, no, I'm going to change to make me happy in the circumstance of the world I live in.
Stephanie: Exactly. That is exactly it. So take relationship and say, globally, that's my view on a relationship. How do I need to change to make this relationship neutral to me, or at least neutral? So I don't feel collapse every time I come out of seeing this human being. What do I need to change about myself? And if I don't want to change, that's okay.
Stephanie: Just close the relationship. Helpful.
?: Very helpful. I have one specific relationship come to mind.
Stephanie: Yeah. Okay, folks. I think we're done for right now. Yeah. See you Thursday. Bye. See you. Take care.
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86-Non-Diet Coaches Success Stories Vol.5
Stephanie: Welcome to the special edition of the podcast. I have three wonderful human being with me today. So this is going to be a threesome interview. and I’ve brought these, wonderful human with me to discuss their journey in the non diet coaching certification over the last Nearly five months that we’ve been together so they can share their experience with you. And we’ve got questions that have been submitted over the last couple of weeks of things that you want to know, from them. So I’ll be asking those questions as well. But before we get started, I would love for each. Of these human to introduce themselves. So, you know, who’s taking part in a conversation. It’s okay. Do you want to get us started?
Kate: Sure. Hi, everyone. I’m Kate Williams stone and I’m a non diet health and life coach for perimenopause. Amazing.
Candy: I’m Candy Wright. I am a body acceptance and life coach for, postmenopausal women.
McKenna: Hi, I’m McKenna LaVenture, and I’m a non diet coach with an area of focus on body image and intuitive eating.
Stephanie: Okay, so let’s get started right with the question that I think is going to set the tone for this interview. You’ve been Working closely with me for 5 months, and we’ve been doing a lot of coaching, learning intuitive eating and body image and learning cognitive behavioral coaching. What would you see as your biggest learning over the last 5 months in this journey inside of this program?
McKenna: that’s an easy answer for me. It’s learning to trust myself and know that I do have the answers.
Candy: That’s good. That is really good. Love that. I love questions like this because it always feels like you gotta say one thing and I can’t say.
Stephanie: Say many things and can’t.
Candy: The trust is a huge one. I mean, the whole point of this program is to create our inner trust and inner autonomy. And we start that with the intuitive eating and the body image stuff.
Candy: And it’s. So powerful. So good. And I would just add a couple of things that kind of have been so personal to me. your just background with feminism and helping us understand that this is a collective challenge that women have gone through, making it a collective challenge just. enables, I think it enabled me and I think it can enable so many other women to realize that all these judgments that we’ve had, the not trusting ourselves we had, it’s not a personal problem.
Candy: And that was really big for me. It just understanding that, you know what, we’ve been conditioned this way. What if we just start to kind of give that back and stop making it be something’s wrong with us and then connected to that conditioning always thinking that we have to fix and then going into perfectionism that whole kind of. Mixture has been the biggest piece pieces for me is what if there’s nothing to fix? What if that’s conditioning?
Candy: Right? That’s been huge. I’m sure we could talk the whole hour about what we learned. Those are some of the ones that have really touched me.
Kate: Yeah, I love that. I mean, I think for me, the biggest learning has been the body image and the nervous system piece. Because I was coaching intuitive eating before, but the piece that was missing was the body image piece, right? Like the root cause of dieting is the body image piece, the body image struggles, the wanting to fix their body, change your body. And so previously I was like, so scared to address that with my clients, but I also think with myself.
Kate: And so now having it all interconnected, the intuitive eating. The body image piece and then the nervous system piece that we go so deeply on, in body image has really made a dramatic change for me personally, but also in my coaching.
Stephanie: So I’m going to build on that question for all of you. We kind of globalize what your biggest learning is, but one of the. And one of the thing that I prone is embodiment, right, and how we bring this content to other women to change, as Candy said, the collective. But what have you seen personally changed the most in your life? And please share what you’re comfortable sharing to the public. But how have you changed in your personal life as a result of As you said, Kate, learning about the nervous system, mindset, what have you observed to be the biggest win in your personal journey of embodying this work?
Candy: I’m just going to jump in here because as soon as you started to say the question, I started to get tears in my eyes, to be honest, so I’m just going to be really authentic here. it’s just been really touching to,mentioned in the last 1 to really consider that there might not be anything to fix.
Candy: That really, truly, I, like so many women struggled with judging my body, judging food and controlling my body with food. And I didn’t realize it until I was over 50. And I know I’m not the only 1, and so this big, beautiful, kind of explosion inside of me has been, it’s okay to love the now body.
Candy: It’s okay to not conform. I didn’t realize how much safety of conformity that I had used that I’d relied on all my life. again, I can’t just pick 1. But all I can say is, as you ask that question, my eyes welled up with gratitude because it’s so deep. The change that has happened from the inside out.
Candy: And I think the feeling or the emotion result has been just a different kind of piece that is no longer run by what felt like I’m not good enough, right? I’m not good enough because I don’t fit into the conditioning and then every week that we’re on our calls. I say the same thing. I’m like, I’m getting like, all kinds of neural pathways blown up here. So that’s what I have to say.
Stephanie: Thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable. You’re welcome.
McKenna: Sorry, I’m not, I actually don’t know how to put this into words, but I’d say there’s these feelings of content and just being okay with what is. There’s a newfound sense of gratitude. It’s like I’ve opened up something else inside me or found something and I’ll even share that my therapist commented on it yesterday and told me that She’s noticed there’s been a change in how I feel things in my body and that clearly I’ve been doing somatic work on my own and that I’m really like in tune with myself and she thought it was the coolest thing of how she’s seen me transform over the last few months.
Stephanie: You know, that’s beautiful, because it just shows that it’s not about coaching versus therapy. The magic comes when both come together. Without, I didn’t even know you had a therapist, but clearly coaching helped your therapy work. And your therapy work helped coaching as well. Yes, exactly. It’s not one or the other, it’s both together.
Stephanie: Exactly.
Kate: Yeah. I think for me, it’s this, like Candy and McKenna both shared, but like this, this new sense of peace. Like I didn’t know how much, like perfectionism and anxiety were running the show. I kind of had accepted it as this is just. Like how I am or like my personality or my genetics. I don’t know what I thought it was related to, but I was like, this is just it, you know, and also looking at like role models of other women in my family. I’m like, we’re just a nervous bunch. That’s it. You know, and instead, there’s like a new, sense of like peace and reduced anxiety, but not from, I used to think that reducing anxiety was about like getting it right or like having things in order. And I think that’s the, like having my own back, trusting myself. Knowing that if I make a mistake or fail that I’m not going to beat myself up, like that’s the piece that was missing. So it’s like a whole new approach to the anxiety and perfectionism that I hadn’t, I didn’t even see it before.
Stephanie: As you share that, the thing that comes to my mind is we don’t know what we don’t know. Yeah. So we think. You used to think that anxious Kate was just Kate. Yeah, I didn’t now that you felt different. You’re like, oh, there’s this other place that I can be that what I thought was normal is actually just anxiety. So let me, and I’m going to roll off to the next question. How does that impact the business version of you, the CEO version of you, the marketing version of you? Like how is what you just shared Kate and everyone has shown up in your business? Cause that’s always the question. That I get because people think of business in a very has to be this way, like the bro marketing way, but I believe there’s another way of doing business. Go ahead. McKenna. You raised your hand. Yes. I want to say something.
McKenna: I mean, I’ll like what you spoke on. I thought there was like, a specific way I needed to do things and was constantly looking for, answers or I’m sure myself and I just. Started to trust myself essentially is what happened and didn’t rush myself to, like, try to create things and do things. And honestly, the most engagement I’ve gotten is through telling my story.
Stephanie: So, you just discovered that you can do business differently at your own pace and that’s where success is.
McKenna: Yeah, essentially, I personally don’t think it comes to posting specific times a week or, certain times a day or 24 7. I think it honestly lies with me, being authentic.
Stephanie: Being you. Mm hmm. Thank you for sharing.
Candy: I see my business as a different. Like type of container now, like this framework that you’ve introduced us to as like goals, being a container to become this new version of yourself. So like any marketing effort I make or content creation in my business, it’s like, how can I serve people? And how is this also serving me versus being like a way to rate myself, right? Like I think I used to use my business like I did the scale, right? Like my business is successful if it makes X many of dollars X many clients, like this is how I’m going to be successful. And. And now I’m like, I will meet myself in my business, however, right. And I’m not going to use it as another tool to beat myself up.
Stephanie: That’s profound. Yeah. It’s a whole new perspective. What has been so since you’ve molded this new way of thinking about your business as your output of service been different quality or quantity?
Kate: Yeah, it has been different. I mean, just the shift in mindset from. going into a consultation call, am I a good coach? Will she like me? Can I show her that I’m a good coach, right? Those were the previous thoughts. And now I’m showing up in a way of like, how can I serve her? how can I be of service? How can I be of help? And then trusting the process that this person will hear what they need to hear today, and I don’t like, I don’t need to perform. I don’t need to like over deliver to prove my worth.
Stephanie: And one last question, because I’ve noticed that about you, you’ve been putting a lot more I’m not sure if you’re calling them training or classes or master classes, but you’ve been out putting more to meet people. Does it feel easier than before?
Kate: It does. Yeah, like anything that we practice, the more I do it, the easier it gets. But I also
Kate: am, counting like the success in a different way, right? Like in the past, like I did a webinar last week, right? And in the past, the success would have been how many people RSVP, how many people show up, how many people book consultation calls. And instead I was like, I’m going to host this because I want to do it for myself and how I show up for myself and be brave and meet myself in all those moments where I want to talk myself out of doing it. And I had many of those moments. No, like I told my coach in this program, I was like, I think I want to pretend I’m sick and just cancel it. And I’m like, Oh, I guess that’s fear, so how do I meet myself in the fear and feel that versus pretending I’m sick and canceling or postponing it. And you know, so I met myself in that container and then also just showing up in that webinar, like people are going to hear what they need to hear today. And I’m going to trust that. My perspective on health might not be for everybody and that’s okay. There are other people out there, you know, but just being of service in that hour and trusting the right people will be there.
Stephanie: That’s beautiful. And that’s, that’s why anxiety is reduced. Yeah, it’s not a secret, right?
Stephanie: How about you, Candy? Business.
Candy: I think the biggest shift for me is. And this might sound counter, but there’s no more, survival energy urgency for me. And so, I think I like to compare it to the intuitive eating pendulum process. Right. We go one way, you know, cause the pendulum, when you start the intuitive eating process and you take away your, or you start rejecting diet, rules, et cetera, the brain is like, but there’s only black and white thinking the pendulation process from one side to the other.
Candy: Right. I feel like that was kind of how I, was in my business before it was always just okay. I had all this energy and this momentum and, you know, this determination until I worked out. And coming through this process, it’s really helped me be like, it’s again, the nervous system regulation and, the urgency to produce is no longer there. I think that can also, you know, I’ve been afraid of getting stuck there, but I think for me where I’m at, in learning to trust myself, I needed this, I need this piece of the process. I need to be able to go to 1 side and then to the other. So, for me, the biggest piece is a lack of that anxious kind of Kate was saying that anxious survival, urgency got to do this, got to push, got to push, got to push.
Candy: Right? And so I’ve been giving my nervous system the time that it needs to honestly heal after a five year stint of like pushing, pushing, pushing. And, it’s scary. Honestly, it’s been scary. It’s been scary. This is not, a process for, A lack of courage, right? This is a process that requires courage.
Candy: So that’s probably been the biggest one for me is just allowing myself to have the time to really get to a place where I feel regulated and, and in alignment. Because I can push and I can do the things and be a great coach, but I needed another level of alignment. I needed another level of nervous system regulation. So I’m still going through that process, honestly.
Candy:
Stephanie: I love the analogy. Because that’s like the, I don’t want to say the other way of business, but the, I’ll call it the traditional way of thinking about a coaching business.
Stephanie: Go, go, go, go, go. It’s like the restricted side of like eating, like you just got to go, go, go 150%, 150%. You’re going to make three, six figure, and you’re going to make 300, 000 and 400, 000. And you’ve got to go up, up, up, up, up. Like it’s constantly high, high, high energy. And that’s not human.
Candy: No, but I love the parallel that you just drew there. that is totally restrictive. oh my gosh, I can’t eat carbs. Oh my gosh, I can’t eat this. I might even die of diet control. Until you burn out and your body’s girl, we can’t do that. Right?
Stephanie: Yeah. And it’s going to the other side of doing nothing. Quote, unquote, binging. the other side of the pendulum. And now you’re like, well, can I trust myself to not do anything? And want to do something again. Exactly. Right? And you can’t. You just got to build that safety of being able to do nothing and then do something and then do nothing and then do something to the point where you come into a place where your business is just consistent all the time. It’s not on, off, on, off, on, off all the time. But it takes that trust and that regulation to be able to output consistently, safely. Did you want to add anything now you raise your hand?
McKenna: Yeah, I do. I know I keep raising my hand, but that would also be 1 of my learnings of this course is because I clearly was, I was conditioned like, that’s the society we live in.
McKenna: Right? But I thought I had to work. All hours of the day, and then felt guilt if I would only work a few hours and do something else with my time, but there is proof that it works because I can take time away and then come back and find myself being more successful and enjoying myself more and there’s ideas flowing and it just feels right versus forcing myself to do it.
Stephanie: I want to bring you guys to another topic. That’s often. where people, professional and coaches get stuck is that when they discover intuitive eating or body image or the non diet approach or a different way of doing business, there’s this phase where people are resentful from what they learned in the past. Either in their degree or why has nobody told me that I’ve wasted thousands of dollars and getting this master degree and like it doesn’t or I’ve wasted 100, 000 on this coach and this mastermind have you felt that resentment that regret? And how, what would you like to share with somebody who’s there right now? Candy is like all over this.
Candy: I think it’s so important to understand that part of this process can absolutely include a grieving process. And so when you talk about resentment, that’s part of the grief cycle, I think, because the, you know, one of the first stages is Anger and along with the anger will come resentment. And I remember when I first started, the program with you, cause I only found you like, I don’t know, a couple, two, three weeks before the program started. So I hadn’t heard a lot of your stuff. And, and I just went into this, what’s not, I was so angry. I was so angry that I had been conditioned and I felt duped and I went into this just Visceral experience and oh, yeah, there was a bunch of resentment, right? A bunch of resentment and I recognized pretty quickly. Oh, gosh, this feels like a grief cycle. And then the grief started coming in and then just the beauty of the work that we do and how you know, you obviously teach the emotional processing stuff. I trusted everything and the emotions have processed through. I am not angry like I used to be. I’m not resentful. Does it pop up every now and again when I see things online? Yeah. But another beautiful thing that I’ve learned with you is that’s part of it too. More of this acceptance, right? And so I feel like I’m much more closer to this acceptance. And I do want to say one thing just because I know how I am in health.
Candy: Lot of women are this is not about getting to a certain end point. That’s another beautiful thing that I’ve learned with you It’s no like fear of weight stigma is gonna come up fear of this is gonna come up fear that and we’re not trying To eradicate any of it. We’re trying to process through it We’re working to create acceptance and so that’s kind of how I see it is just a grief cycle and getting to more of this place of acceptance so that we can actually learn the lesson so that we are more connected to our inner wisdom, our inner truth, prefrontal cortex, and we can hear the lessons.
Stephanie: Anyone else wants to add?
McKenna: I would just say, I think I processed it like months before I started this Course most of it, like the resentment, the anger because I was on my own journey for a while with body image intuitive eating until I found this for my business and myself clearly. But it, how would I put it? I think for me, the biggest thing that shifted and changed was I eventually came to a place which started happening before I joined the course was everything has brought me to this moment. And it’s all part of the journey for me, I could spend my life resentful that I did these things, but in the long run, it’s not going to help me at all. And it did get me to where I am today.
Stephanie: Yeah, that’s the ultimate place, right? Nothing has happened for no reason. Exactly.
Stephanie: You want to add anything, Kate?
Kate: Yeah, you know, I don’t think I had the resentment and anger when I started this program because I had been immersed in the non diet intuitive eating perspective. So that piece wasn’t. New information. And I had actually aligned myself with what I would call like ethical business coaches. So I felt good about that. so I didn’t have to go through that stage when we first started, but the piece, like the reason I made the decision to work with you, I mean, I started binging your podcast, I think like a year, year and a half ago before I did the certification and So I think part of it was wanting to have a greater impact on my clients and like really have the process in, and feeling really confident in knowing how to help them.
Kate: that was my reason for signing up. And I just. I’m the opposite of candy. I take a while to make a decision. So like I needed to listen to hours of podcasts and do one course and then another mastermind and then do it.
Candy: Not always.
Kate: Okay, but I’m a long term decision maker like well, but also I was at the point in my business where I’m like, I’m not going to haphazardly spend money. Trying to fix myself, I’m going to find the right coach for this right season in my business and match us up. So I think that was part of my deliberate researched decision making process. so I felt really good coming into this. Certification
Stephanie: and I just want to guide the listener, even though you’re a professional listening to this and they’re professional talking. We’re still human purchasing a product. So, now you’ve just heard 2 different brain. Thinking about a purchase differently. Guess what? You have that in your business. You have different brain trying to work with you and 1 is going to take 2 years. 1 is going to take 3 weeks. Right.
McKenna: Yeah. or 24 hours if you’re me, who spends,
Stephanie: or 24 hours.
Stephanie: Mm-Hmm. , you know, like, but it’s
Kate: just the proof to a while, but your stuff was just, I had it. It was what my heart was searching for, and so it was ready. And I love that you’re pointing this out. This is so true. People are going to be at different parts of their being when they’re ready to make decisions.
Stephanie: And so, and this is important to understand that Kate talked about why she joined and she outlined the reason why she joined and it’s different for all of you. So, do you mind sharing why you joined? Like, what was your decision and then candy so everybody can see there’s a different perspective
McKenna: for sure. Well, the 1st time I my gosh, I bet you I came across Stephanie stuff like a year and a half ago or something. Yeah, it was at least a year ago because it was somehow a friend actually send it to me, but I did 1 of your core workshops last December and it was in that session that I said 1 day I want to work with this lady. one day I’m going to work with her. When? I don’t know. When will this be recorded? I don’t know, but I was, yeah. And then, well, the spring came around this year, and I finished my degree, and I was like, I’m not too sure what I’m doing. I felt kind of lost, but I knew there had to be another way to do business. And I knew I wanted to shift my business from the beginning. I knew I wanted to help people with food, their relationship. to food in their body. I just didn’t know how and I’d taken things in the past was promised the world It always fell short still didn’t know how to coach people And then that’s when I got pointed towards stephanie After reaching out to another coach and I was like, okay, like I guess I gotta do it Like this is like a sign This is the only option out there for me to change the way I coach
Stephanie: And so I want to say to people listening to this. This is a referral Way, she was referred by one of my former words of mouth, right? Somebody who graduated, like, 2 years ago. She talked to her and then referred her to me. So that’s another model.
McKenna: And I will say I followed that coach and was loving what she was doing and was like, how did you get there? And then she told me and then I signed up within, I think it was 24 hours. I said, yes.
Stephanie: Yeah, so Sherry’s story of your client works. How about you Candy? What made you say yes?
Candy: I had started my business over five years ago I was a health and weight loss coach and it never felt right inside of me and a couple of years ago I started studying nervous system trauma, etc I even did a different certification program around eating psychology, but there was still something missing And I knew it in the core of me.
Candy: I knew it in my, my intuition. And, honestly, for me, my belief system, however you want to put it, like God, the universe, whatever. I don’t know where I found you. Something came up in a feed somewhere. And I went and I looked at it and I was like, Oh, this is the missing piece. Why I didn’t feel aligned.
Candy: So the reason I joined was because something wasn’t right inside. Like I knew and when I started to hear, Oh my gosh, it’s because we’ve been so conditioned and understanding the feminism piece and understanding the history of controlling women’s bodies, I was like, no wonder. So it was just an internal longing for understanding why it didn’t feel aligned for me.
Candy: And honestly, those couple of days I was texting you about this program and about to sign, my heart was like. This is what you’ve been waiting for. I know it sounds a little dramatic, but like this is what you’ve been longing for over five years, the why it hasn’t felt aligned. And so I had a full body intuitive yes, like, ah, yes, you know what I mean?
Candy: It was very quick for me to, because I had been going through this process, I think this, and also I’m a postmenopausal woman and. part of this new transition into the next phase of life is what I want to even like spend my time on. I do not have any more anything, any more, like people like to say F’s to give, right?
Candy: To put energy into anything that doesn’t feel aligned anymore. And so when I came across this, I was like, holy cow, this is why. So that’s why I said yes. And it did connect to helping my people. Absolutely. it was very personal too though. I really wanted to feel that alignment and understand why I hadn’t.
Stephanie: So give the background for people listening. This is a, we’re talking about texting DM conversation, but it’s not me co pitching you. You came to me, you asked very specific question. I took the time to answer your question. I didn’t rush you into a decision. I let it be the way it is. That’s ethical selling. I used the DM conversation, but I didn’t like co pitch you, force you into it. We just naturally human to human had a conversation via text and then you made your decision.
Candy: Exactly. And I really appreciated that. And I really noticed that difference in the way you interacted with me. There’s another reason I was like, okay, she’s doing things differently in business too. So I was like, ah. I got to get on in on this. Yeah.
Stephanie: And I just want to say there’s the reason why we do things differently in business. And the reason why I teach differently in business is because when you’ve. Understood how the system work, not only with diet culture, weight and body, but with how the system interact with women. You don’t have a choice, but to do things differently. And when you’re regulated as an individual, there’s no way. So if you’re listening to this and you’re like, all the things I’ve been taught about business don’t feel good anymore. They feel yucky. I don’t want to do them. It’s probably because you’ve you’ve healed yourself.
Stephanie: You’re regulated and the old way of doing business doesn’t match who you are anymore because you don’t have a choice to show up differently in your business when you’re aligned and regulated. I think that’s what you said. Candy, like the whole pendulum thing, like, the more work you did on yourself, the old way, like the extreme way didn’t work anymore.
Stephanie: 100%. Yeah. We’re going to wrap this up because I committed to keep that. Consumable for people and respecting the listeners time. I just want your parting word to somebody who’s listening to this. Perhaps that were where you were, what would you say to them?
Candy: I’m a different person and I like who I am and I’m so grateful. And if it feels like it resonates for your heart and soul, trust yourself, trust yourself.
Kate: Yeah, similar message. I mean, just listen to your gut, listen to your body, right? That’s the embodiment practice and take a deep breath and check in. And if it feels right, can feel right. And it can feel scary at the same time. But if it feels right, then I mean, I. Have no regrets. I’m so glad and so proud that I said yes, and I’m also glad that I waited the year and a half and found when the time was right, you know, and there’s no scarcity thinking and like doors are open. They’re about to close. You have to sign up now. you know, if right now is not the time for you in six months, maybe it is or a year, you know, and that’s the beauty of how you run your business too. So, yeah.
McKenna: I’ve taken other courses in the past and honestly, they’ve like promised the world or I thought they’re going to be the answer to making my business what I want it to be and it didn’t happen until this course, but my biggest takeaway is I’ve learned to trust myself and I would just like, say to someone, if you’re really feeling that pull towards the course, Then to do it because you’re not going to regret it. I really don’t think you will. Yeah.
Stephanie: Thank you. The 3 of you for sharing your time with me and people who are listening to this today. Tomorrow. 2 years from now. Thank you very much. And for people listening, we’ve linked in the show notes. the name and the links of the individual that recorded the podcast today so you can go to the show note and find them there and how they’re coming out into the world. So, thank you for having sharing this time with us. Ladies. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Stephanie: To our podcast production team, we’re going to end the podcast here. The rest of the recording will be our regular session, so you can end your production of the podcast right here.
Stephanie: And now we’re beginning the one on one session. I have to run to the bathroom. Oh, yeah, you go. The coffee needs to get out, eh? How was this experience, McKenna? That was your first podcast. How did that felt for you? Oh, I liked it. Just conversation.
McKenna: Yeah, someone once told me maybe I’d be, that’d be my route, this is a different business thing, but I was talking about things, they’re like, you sound like someone who would like a podcast, and I was like, Okay, I’m just going to leave that there, let’s pretend you didn’t say that, but I actually really knew I did.
McKenna: I also enjoy listening to them and, hearing a real human
Kate: speak of their experience. Without being scripted. Yes. Yeah, exactly. It takes a lot of, I just want to say it takes a lot of courage to have an open ended conversation like this without scripting what people are going to say about you or your program.
Kate: Yeah. Because many podcasts will only select the people, they won’t invite broadly people, they’ll select their, what they categorize as their best student, and they will script what they want to say. Like it’s all about the control, where for me it’s about letting you speak your truth, and your truth is what other people need to hear.
Kate: Now as far podcast for yourself, It’s really easy these days. It’s not complicated. If you go into the portal under, the marketing section, there is two classes on how to start a podcast. There’s a class on me showing you how to think about a podcast and what to put in it. And then there’s a class from Kim who shows you how to use the tool called Buzzsprout, which is a platform for podcasting that allows you to broadcast your podcast and edit your podcast.
Kate: Okay. So all you need is. It’s a decent microphone that can be bought for a hundred bucks on Amazon. Like it doesn’t have to be complicated because remember our podcasts, there’s two ways to think about a podcast. There’s a income generating podcast that is generating income based on advertiser. Usually the top ranking podcasts on platforms are, income producing.
Kate: That’s a lot more complicated and it takes a lot of lining up sponsors and topics and guests and all of that. And then there’s your podcast being your marketing tool, like me. There’s no sponsors. It’s low cost production and intro music, words, that’s it. There’s no complication. And then that’s a marketing tool.
Kate: It’s you being you and then clients wanting to work with you use the marketing, the podcast as a way of making their decision to work with you. And that costs very little, maybe cost I don’t know, a podcast feed. 20 bucks a month, the cost of your microphone, and your time.
Kate: So, it’s a great marketing tool if you are capable of speaking your truth.
Kate: So, it becomes really easy. You just grab your microphone and you say words. It just takes a lot of ability to be you. And I think you’re there. So it’s just a matter of… And the other thing I want to say about podcasts, before I let you go on this topic, is again, you don’t have to produce all the time.
Kate: Some of the most… Some of my student most efficient podcasts have been, like, 10 podcast episodes, they produce 10 podcast episode, they put it on a feed, and they’re constantly sending traffic there when people make a decision to work with them, they go to the, it doesn’t have to be every week or twice a week, because you don’t work with sponsor, you don’t have production, You don’t have to produce so much, so just make it what you need it to be, not what the industry says it has to be.
Kate: Okay, so we’re here for coaching then.
Kate: Okay, who do I have today for one on one coaching? I have McKenna and I have Candy on the docket for today. Is there one of you that want to go first?
Kate: And we may have, we may not use the full 90 minutes today. I don’t feel you need to talk. did somebody raise their hand.
Liz: Talk about a couple of little things I would like to talk about this pendulation process. then I’m going through, and I also had kind of an emotional thing with family happened this weekend.
Liz: So, as I was talking about it on the podcast just a few minutes ago, the pendulation process, I don’t have a lot of desire to do anything, Stephanie, I really don’t. When you were talking about podcasts right now, I felt a tiny bit of Ooh, that sounds fun. And that’s the first time that something sounded like fun or interesting about business.
Liz: Yeah. And so I’m just kind of, I’m in this present moment right now realizing, well, maybe do that then. You know what I mean? Because I’m really still in this place of, I don’t want to be online,
Liz: but I like the idea of being on a podcast. So, long story short, I have several thoughts of I don’t even know if I want to do this anymore. And, part of it is some of the old programming around everybody in here is like a certified dietician, nutritionist, and I am not, there’s some like less than thoughts in there.
Liz: but there’s also some of what I said on the podcast was like, I just don’t have the energy to do anything that I don’t want to do anymore. Or like I choose to, I don’t want to do anything that doesn’t, that just doesn’t feel good anymore. So I was kind of interested, just as you were saying that two seconds ago, podcast, I’m like, Ooh, that actually sounds kind of interesting.
Liz: So I’m just holding myself in that there’s a lot kind of just all over the place there. But I think right now my brain’s making it a problem that I have no desire and it’s painful.
Kate: So my, my, where I’d like to bring you what you said that’s very interesting is I have no desire to do what I don’t want to do.
Kate: So is there a belief that in order to have a business, you must do what you don’t want to do?
Liz: Yeah, post a lot.
Kate: you know, think about food, right? So, often people, before they come to us, they have this idea of what, not dieting is, which is the fat woman, the typical fat woman eating donut with food coming out of her mouth.
Kate: Right? that’s the visual of not dieting, that they’ve been programmed to think by society. it’s either you’re dieting and you’re working towards losing weight, or you’re eating doughnuts all day long and you’re just disgusted. thing human being like spilling food out of our mouth. Do you get what I’m saying?
Liz: 100 percent 100 percent
Kate: So if you were in the past sold the idea that doing business must be go, is it possible that you don’t know? To your first set. That’s what I got all
Liz: the time. Gotta hustle to your first 100k.
Kate: Yeah, so is it possible that the only way you can think about business is that way you’re like, I don’t want to do this. Therefore, I don’t want to do business. Sure,
Liz: I believe there’s some of that in there for sure. Yeah, I and as you were talking, I noticed just a little bit of emotion of just being fearful.
Liz: this feels so curious. I’m just noticing all these things coming up as I’m talking. There’s fear in there. And I felt also a lack of self trust because I got so good at that other way and it’s what my nervous system knew. And so, I feel almost like a little kid in this new, this new idea of it can be done differently.
Liz: And I’m really afraid. It’s really curious.
Kate: Yeah. So what’s interesting is you just said it’s curiosity, but it’s also fear of doing it another way because I was so good the other way. The question is, were you really that good if you burnt out?
Liz: I mean, that’s the story I tell myself, right? Because I got over 100k and I had all these clients and yeah.
Liz: I hate the sex markers, you know,
Kate: whatever those things. So the question is that it’s also about what is, here’s the other thing. So you don’t know how to do it another way. So you’re kind of don’t know. So you’re like, I don’t want business. Is it that I don’t want business? So I don’t want to do it the way I know how to do it.
Kate: And the other thing is. Why do you want a business? It sound based on what you’re talking that having a business is just about making money. Can there be another why to a business? Yeah. Yeah.
Liz: I mean, I didn’t get into it for that reason. I always wanted to help people with emotions and mental
Kate: health.
Kate: So is it, is having a business, is it possible that having a business can just be the vehicle of service?
Liz: Oh, yes. And I really want to have that feel embodied. That’s the desire. And there’s fear in the way.
Kate: Right. So that means this whole whatever six figure thing gets like completely taken off. Because if the goal of having a business is service, then having three clients, you’ve achieved your goal.
Liz: It’s putting them. Weight loss on the back burner. This is what I’m hearing you say.
Kate: Sure, if you want to see it this way.
Liz: You’d think I was on my period, but that doesn’t happen anymore.
Liz: that’s the thing that just came up. It’s like putting the 100k on the back burner, putting the weight loss on the back burner, we’re just releasing it, right?
Liz: I can see that connection.
Kate: So is that’s the question we need to answer when this is very specific to somebody who’s been indoctrinated in the whole 6 figures, 6 months,more money like this. This is unfortunately the most common way of, Thinking about business and believing about business so if you’ve been indoctrinated into that.
Kate: It’s you have to rebuild your belief system around business completely. Right.
Kate: Is then, if business is not about making 100K, then 200K, then half a million, and then a million, if that’s not why, then is it worth it?
Kate: Is if you think about it another way money versus service in the old paradigm,
Kate: can it move to neutrality and can it move that service is more important than money. And is that a motivator for you to record the podcast to go to the networking meeting to invite people into consultation?
Liz: I think it could be. I mean, that’s what my heart has always wanted to be in dealing with service and I mean. When I was doing it before, I was doing my best to do that because that’s just who my heart is, you know, but I had that kind of toxic other stuff indoctrinated as well. That’s another reason why it’s still aligned.
Liz: Right.
Kate: And so think about like your service got corrupted with capitalism, right? Like you were coming in at it. Well, you were coming at it from service, but this, the normalized capitalism money at all costs corrupted the file of service. So now it’s just about cleaning up the file of service and let it be what it needs to be and what you were meant to serve the world with.
Kate: And if that means 100K, then it means 100K. But if it means 30K, 50K, it takes you four years, It’s also okay.
Kate: No, that’s useful. So, here’s the other question you want to ask yourself. It’s okay to not want a business. So, imagine yourself your next 10 years. For the sake, just to put a number, what would you do with yourself? If it’s not serving and building a business that serves people. Where would you put your resources, your time?
Kate: And it’s okay if you say Netflix, if you want to watch Netflix for 10 years, like there’s nothing good or bad, you know, I need five years of Netflix. Okay, sure. Let’s do five years of Netflix.
Liz: I don’t want to do that much Netflix because I actually don’t feel good. I don’t feel good when I do. I don’t feel like I am being me and I feel shame when I watch too much
Kate: Netflix.
Kate: Oh, that’s another, we need to coach on that. There should be no shame. But do you know what I’m saying? When I’m
Liz: doing it for hours and I would rather be like loving people. That’s why, you know, it feels so good to love people.
Kate: So maybe it’s not a business. Maybe it’s a involvement in your church, becoming a priest in your church, or do you know, there’s so many ways,
Kate: but how are you going to. No matter what it is, we need to contribute into the world. Yeah. Some people contribute with a business and service. Some people contribute with helping in their religion. Some people, I don’t know, leads Girl Scout. I saw somebody posting that they are leading Girl Scout. That’s their thing.
Kate: Like their free time goes into, as a grown woman, to lead little girls. How do we contribute into the world?
Kate: Living a prosperous life, many people think it’s about making more money, but it’s not. It’s like you creating happiness right now in your life, you putting out into the world service, value, and then wealth. Prosperity is just not a million dollar in a bank account. Prosperity is your valuing and prioritizing your happiness.
Kate: Impacting the world projecting value into the world, and then wealth will come and in wealth, maybe 100, 000, maybe 10 million. There’s no numbers to determine wealth.
Liz: I think there’s a thought in there. Oh, my gosh. Okay. If I get it completely right and make the right choice about exactly what I want to do, then I’ll be happy.
Liz: You know what I mean? Or then I’ll be calm. So I see that in there that, grass is greener thinking. I’ll be happy when thinking, but when you ask the question, like, how do I want to contribute into the world?
Liz: I’ve always been a teacher. I’m not going back to the classroom ever again. I will not do that to myself, but I’ve always been a teacher mentor coach and
Liz: I do love talking about business. I like talking to people about what they like to do. I like talking to people about. Yeah, I need to just kind of think on that because that’s kind of where I’ve been. It’s what do I really want to do? What do I really want to be?
Kate: My only other recommendation or prescription for you would be to fill the void of not knowing how to run a business any other way.
Kate: Like before making a decision to say that business is not for me. What if you’re like witness or think about what it could be without. The old reference framework,
Liz: and you know what? That feels good. I want to try that. No, and if I were to be like, okay, let’s go figure out how to be like, I don’t know, a therapist or whatever else I want to, you know, think about do when I don’t want to do that.
Liz: This actually feels okay, yeah, I’d like to figure out how it feels to run a business in
Kate: a different way.
Kate: And 1 last thought before we go to the family thing, this whole ideology of dietitian and nutritionist. I just want to remind you that I’m a coach without certification. I’m pretty good at it. I’m better than maybe many people who have a damn certification on it. So, you can do exactly what you want to do without being a nutritionist or dietitian.
Kate: It actually means nothing.
Liz: Oh, here’s the thought that just popped up. Women in my age group want an expert with a bunch of letters behind.
Kate: Is it? Do you want to work with those people? Usually I do. You want to work with people who only believe in two people who have seven letters after their name? You want to work with these women?
Liz: No. Like the reason I came to you is because you were smart. You had business training. You had a dietitian, but then you had this completely opposite thing. You know what I mean?
Kate: Yeah, but I don’t have a business degree. I don’t have an MBA. I have life experience of business.
Kate: That’s true. I’ve got loads of life experience. I’ve been told many times, by the way, that I’m better than many therapists. Oh, I don’t have no fucking therapist degree.
Liz: That’s
Kate: because
McKenna: a lot of therapists suck and I’m just going to say it.
Kate: Don’t do that. It’s not the degree, do you know what I’m saying? They can have the degree and they suck. The
McKenna: degree means nothing. The degree means nothing in my world now because… I had a therapist who pretty much told me I sucked and I was doing everything wrong last year.
McKenna: So she caused me more harm than good. So I’m just going to say it took a lot of searching and a lot of reading
Kate: bios
McKenna: before I was like, you’re worth going into actually do a session with and I’m a friend who’s a social worker here who is like one of the most lovely counselors you will meet in this city.
McKenna: Who was like, yeah, it’s really hard to find someone who I know will fit with you. They’re like, don’t exist in this city. And I was like, no shocker there. No shocker.
Kate: So it’s a normal thought to have, Candy. Just don’t, just question if you want to put belief behind that thought. Or just You’re there, thank you.
Kate: Yeah,
Liz: you’re right. I wrote down, just focus on my belief. I just wrote that. Okay, got it. I think I’m good. I do want to figure out how to fill that void, like you said, of not knowing how to, of knowing how to run a business a different way. Yes, I do want to focus on that, and I do want to explore this curiosity that just popped up in my heart, oh, actually podcast could be fun, and follow that, that, inner sensation, You know,
Kate: like your life coach for menopause, postmenopausal or whatever you want to call it from the angle of body image and self confidence instead of being from the angle of religion or from the angle of health, like you just have your own spin on this coaching women in that age group.
Kate: Do you want to work on the family thing or you’re good?
Liz: why don’t we come back to it if there is time? Somebody else again. Okay. Thanks.
Kate: First
McKenna: off, questions about the rejecting diet mentality resources. I know there’s the anti diet book. I know we’ve talked about this. I just cannot recall
Kate: resources. So I would, is it for you or for clients? It’s for clients.
Kate: I wouldn’t give them too much books. So just
McKenna: like the anti diet, cause that’s pretty.
Kate: Because what they’re going to get stuck into is intellectualization. Okay,
McKenna: no, I was just curious because the current client who came on she’s read that book so that it she got it just Got me thinking for future like if no one’s ever been exposed to the anti diet mentality at all
Kate: Here’s the other place would be from the same author Wellness culture.
Kate: Okay, that’s what I’m wellness
?: trap. Yep.
Stephanie: Yep. Yep, because it’s the other paradigm. So If it’s not if the client’s okay, I’m accepting that it’s not about weight loss, but then they’re going to swing to, well, it’s about my health. Now we need to talk about wellness culture. That’s what this
?: client, what’s it called?
?: It’s the Wellness Trap by, is it Christy Harrison? Christy
Stephanie: Harrison? It’s the same author for both books. she’s a dietitian who doesn’t work really with people anymore. she’s a journalist and she writes books and articles and do media stuff on. The anti diet world.
?: okay. That’s helpful though, because it’s the, I see it now where this client read anti diet book and it’s it’s not about the weight, but it’s about my health.
?: So now she’s swung to the wellness side of things.
Stephanie: Yeah. So if you listen, I did an interview with Christie, whatever on the podcast recently in January, I think. The reason why she wrote the book is because she’s been through that herself and that we were Have the podcast talking about that’s what I did.
Stephanie: That’s what she did. That’s what our client do So she wrote the book on okay now like it’s no longer about weight loss now It’s about health and then she like unpacked all that detoxes and cleanse bullshit thing with supporting evidence Yes.
Stephanie: the next. Okay. Here’s my thing. And honestly, I forgot it was me who was up today and I’ve just been like, didn’t really think about this. honestly, I’ve just been content. I even shared that with my parents. I’ve just been like content. I was just like, I woke up feeling like, yeah, I woke up feeling like a different person yesterday, but it had to do with, it was my partner’s six months.
?: treatment. He gets it every six months and six months. And there was just like this different sense of gratitude for life. that I just, I think most people look past, like I’ll literally look outside and look at a tree and be like, that’s beautiful. That’s cool. there’s a lot of just like really mudane moments that have started happening over the last year that it’s just who am I becoming?
?: Because I can just tune out what’s happening in the world and be like, See other yeah, see other things, but I started thinking about what has been coming up over the last few weeks and it’s I want clients and I remember in the beginning I was doing a lot of like belief like the clients will come like trusting myself and then I kind of slid away because I started to do more just like I’m going to trust myself, not fear waking.
?: I started going down more that route. But I do want clients. But then there’s this part of me that goes, I’ve been thinking about this for a few months of putting something out there I’m now accepting, five clients because I’d like to just, put a number and, if I could get, five more and work with five for a while and really build up my coaching, that would be great.
?: But then there’s this part of me who, comes in and it’s you’re not ready. You’re, like, you’re not, your life isn’t ready. But then there’s a part of me who’s, You know, that doesn’t work that mindset because life is always going to be happening. And if you wait till you’re ready, you will never be in this place of ready.
Stephanie: So why is it a problem that those old thought comes up? It’s not a
?: problem. I think I just have to act on it and put it out there that I’m accepting clients. And
Stephanie: are you even accepting clients? How does that feel saying I’m accepting clients? Oh, it feels good. Like I want clients. But are you really accepting clients?
Stephanie: Or are you just… Putting yourself out there and whoever needs to come like this whole notion of accepting. Were you ever denying clients? no. So, so just clear on the world on the accepting clients is a really, it’s used to position yourself as somebody who’s got a massive wait list. And now I’m taking client the first come first serve kind of shit.
Stephanie: Do you know? Yeah, no, I get what you’re saying. So, did you ever if you say, I’ve never denied client, then you’re not accepting client. You’re just ready to help people and have people work with you. Is that correct? Yeah. So it’s more. So I’m looking for more clients. Yeah, so here’s the first question is you’re saying, yeah, I’m ready for first time.
Stephanie: And then I have the thought I’m not good enough for more client normal, like nothing has gone wrong for you having this dichotomy. Now, are you going to coach yourself through it or accept the validity of this thought? Oh, well, I’m not going to accept it.
?: If I would have accepted
Stephanie: it, I wouldn’t be here.
Stephanie: Okay, good. So you’re going to expect that thought to show up every morning. Yes. Right and you’re going to meet it with, compassion makes total sense that you were that you brain Lizzie in my case would think I’m not good enough to do this. Thank you very much. Because that’s my whole belief system.
Stephanie: Thank you. But we still going to offer a program out into the world and see who needs it. Does that make sense? Yes. So my advice for you is this is you need. Offer into the world, an opportunity to work with you. Like we want more client, but we need to go out there telling people that we can help them with this, and this and that.
Stephanie: So for an example, without judgment, how many offers, how many times did you publicly talk about you have a program and it can help people with this DME or book a consultation? How many times have you made an offer? In the last say week,
Stephanie: not at all
?: because my last post I didn’t make it as an offer, but that was a personal decision.
Stephanie: That’s okay.
?: I, yeah, it was a whole, it was a whole thought download that I had and I didn’t want it to be, it felt sleazy to me to share something super vulnerable and then try to turn around into a work with me.
?: Just being like a first time sharing such a vulnerable story. I didn’t want to like, and I think part of it is I let thoughts get to my head because I see that in bro marketing where people take some people in my life take vulnerable stories, and then it becomes like the only thing they talk about and then they like persuade people to work with them.
?: So part of it was my thought download and still I guess a bit of like bro
Stephanie: marketing thoughts. And totally valid, right? And is it true that it’s lazy? No. No. But in that moment, you created the feeling of resistance. Because you entertain the thought it’s sleazy to talk about working with me after sharing such a vulnerable event.
?: But then I just was it’s okay. It’ll probably change in time, but it’s just normal and just it’s okay. I don’t have to do it all at once.
Stephanie: Well, exactly instead of thinking I’m not going to do it because it’s sleazy. You could have selected the thing right now. I just want to build safety for being vulnerable online and I
?: feel like that’s the route.
?: I went where I let go of the fact that it was sleazy. And I was just like, it’s okay. right now you don’t feel comfortable doing that. In time, it’ll
Stephanie: likely happen totally. Okay, but you’re not doing it because it’s sleazy. You’re doing it to build safety. Yes, I think about it that way different thought different feeling.
Stephanie: Yes. So, I want to take this example to say, making offer is the same thing you will hear about making offer it from every business program because it’s the foundation of, interaction and exchange. You need to make an offer to receive. And people have to accept an offer to receive from you, like the concept of offer is not a problem, it’s why you’re doing it and how you’re doing it.
Stephanie: Does that make sense? Yeah.
Stephanie: So how do you want to think about an offer? that’s where you want to build your belief and your thought. An offer is what for me? It’s an invitation to work with me. Yeah. It’s an exchange of value. I have value to offer. bing. These are all the valuable things I can offer to people that will truly, in my view at this point in time, really change their life.
Stephanie: And the value I’m asking back to always make an offer fair because that’s a whole, like I need to offer as much because the world doesn’t have money and I need to make my offer, accessible to people. That’s a whole other bullshit socialization crap. You need, you’re not presenting that, but you make, you need to make the exchange of value equal.
Stephanie: You’re going to offer this value that’s going to impact their life. How much money do I want? How much money do I believe this is valued at right now?
Stephanie: So now an offer is an exchange of value,
Stephanie: an equal exchange of value between you and your future client.
Stephanie: How does that land with you? Oh, it lands good. Yeah. I’m just like,
?: I was thinking about different scenarios where, I pay someone for something and value.
Stephanie: But, yeah, it’s value everywhere from the plumber to the therapist to the grocery that you buy is just. It’s always an exchange of value and wherever you fell that you got ripped off is because the alignment of value you believe is not equal between the 2.
Stephanie: Do
Stephanie: you know what I’m saying? Yep, so then if you’ve not been making a lot of offer, the other thing that’s so you need to like, think of it in terms of value and putting it out to help the world. You need to build your belief there. And then the other thing is your nervous system will feel really uncomfortable making offer for the next.
Stephanie: 2 to 3 months, it’s it’s okay to have all the belief in the world, but you all thought will come up. So are you willing to learn to make offers through discomfort? Yes.
?: I mean, most of what I’ve done has been through discomfort the last
Stephanie: few months. So that’s the key for everybody, are you willing to consistently make offer that are aligned with your value in a way that feels good to you and to build up this capacity to make offer in this way, true discomfort.
Stephanie: So, are you willing to say, I don’t know, I’m going to set up a goal of making 3 offer for the next 4 weeks every week. Okay. Yeah. You know, I’m going to take,and I would say your brain’s going to, it’s going to default to making it in a caption of a post buried at the bottom, but big and bold right on the front.
Stephanie: And on video, I want you to speak about, I knew this was
?: coming. I knew this was, I was waiting for you to say all
Stephanie: this. It’s easy to bury it in the caption in the CTA, a call to action.
Stephanie: I’m not saying it’s good or bad. There needs to be some of that. That’s, this is almost like my point of view is I share my life publicly to help people and the way to help people is by them into my program. So there’s very little post that is, does not have a call to action to get into my world. To me, it’s just given.
Stephanie: Why would I make a post if it’s not to let people that they can work with me. Yep. You got it. So that’s to me, that’s easy. Yeah. It’s a whole other level to have a conversation on video embodying, work with me confidently. So you got to practice because the first dozen of time you’re going to do this and your voice is going to be shaking.
Stephanie: You got to build up the capacity to make an offer with your whole body and be confident about it. So are you able to do that for the next four weeks? And be really uncomfortable through the process.
Stephanie: That’s how you get more clients.
Stephanie: How do you feel now? Oh, I already
?: feel the uncomfortableness beginning, but I can’t.
Stephanie: But at the same time, I’m like, I don’t know.
?: I think just the last year and the last few months in this, it’s really just like putting a video on social media. It’s just so minimal compared to everything else that’s going on in my life right now. But it’s just Everyone’s gonna perceive it differently as long as I, I feel good, okay in it and I believe in it.
?: It really doesn’t matter what anyone
Stephanie: else thinks. Bingo, but the old neuropath way will fire up. Oh, yeah. 100%. There just will so expect them to come online and then have to ride the wave and calm your nervous system and like You’re gonna have to practice that dozens of times in order for you to become the version of yourself who?
Stephanie: Makes offer, gets client, has a way of living her life. So it’s no longer, I just want to say to you, here’s the picture. It’s no, for me, it’s no longer, should I make an offer or not? I just make offer all the fucking time. It’s just who I have become.
Stephanie: If that’s what it takes to have a business, but I do it in a way that doesn’t cost me my nervous system health. It doesn’t cost me my mental health. It doesn’t cost me my emotional health. It doesn’t cost me thousands of dollars in Facebook ads, you know, like I do it in the way that’s sustainable for the rest of my life.
Stephanie: Yes, I got. Yeah. Do you want to become that? Yeah. Today is day one of the next phase of creating that version of you. The next four weeks of you feeling like terrible having to make offers on video.
Stephanie: I’ll come to that phase two of your life.
?: I think where he had caught up is knowing how to put in terms that someone’s going to comprehend,
Stephanie: understand. Bro marketing or toxic business culture will tell you how. Give me your email. I’ll give you the PDF on how to formulate the offer perfectly. I will say to you, there’s no right way.
Stephanie: There’s McKenna’s way.
Stephanie: Your brain is doing what brains do. Tell me the right way, so I’ll be safe. And I’m saying there’s no right way. There’s your way.
?: Yeah, it seems simple, but I like it. It’s simple, but then I’m like, sure, seems simple intellectually, but then when I go to speak or think about how to say it is where I get caught up.
Stephanie: That’s where the discomfort shows up. Yeah, that’s where the voice gets shaky. That’s where you mumble and fumble on your words.
Stephanie: What I’m saying to you is the shaky voice the mumbling and mumbling on the words is what will make you find the best way for you. Thank you. Okay.
Stephanie: Well, like for
?: me, it’s I think it’s simple is it’s the options there that you don’t have to dislike your body for your lifetime and you can live free of your body and then you don’t have to fear food like you can enjoy it and you can not have your worth attached to it.
Stephanie: Say that. I have another coach.
Stephanie: Here’s what she’s done over the last 2 years. She’s been doing, consultation. So she bought this cute little journal and every consultation. She’s been writing like the story of the client without their name. And now. Most of her posts are consultation stories. She markets using all the consultations she’s done, and then she shows the world that she’s a coach by telling the story and how she proposed that client to solve that problem.
Stephanie: So people are like, Oh, she’s talking about me and that proposition of solving my problem is great. That’s her way.
Stephanie: What’s your way? For me, it’s been a lot anchored on my story. My marketing is a lot anchored on my story. It doesn’t have to be your way. What’s your way? And you’re going to have to try different ways to find the one that makes you feel the best and that people resonate with. Okay. So try that way you just said.
Stephanie: Go on video, tell a story, and tell that to people. First of all, the next month is not even about getting success. It’s about you getting over being uncomfortable. You know? Fuck the result at this point is just getting your nervous system to seeing making an offer is safe. It’s not about getting clients.
Stephanie: About building the safety of making an offer, non scripted, and not having, to coach your nervous system for two weeks after. Okay. Perfect. You know? Don’t attach it to the number of clients. You’re not ready for that.
Stephanie: All right.
Stephanie: Is that, does that feel good? yes. It feels uncomfortable, but it feels aligned. That’s all. Yeah, I now
?: have a direction to go
Stephanie: with it. Perfect. That’s all I needed. it’s
?: there are all these things going on. I can just jump into that two months ago and bring up this, but now it’s I feel like I’m there.
?: I need to start making offers if I want this to actually
Stephanie: be successful. you need to make offer today to have five clients in six months. Yeah. Yeah. And when you have the five clients, you have to continue to make offer to have your next 10 clients. And when you have 10 clients, you’re like, Oh, I had a full schedule.
Stephanie: Great. I’m stopping marketing. Error. Continue marketing. So you can bring in the next 10 clients. Yes. There’s never an end point to marketing. So you got to fall in love with it. All right. Okay. Yep. Yep. Amazing. We still got two or 40 minutes. I believe. Kate. Okay. This is great. Cause this is like a continuation of this whole conversation.
Stephanie: So
?: I have, a marketing opportunity. I have a networking meeting tomorrow. On zoom with, a woman who connected with me through Instagram, but she’s here local. And I think we could, she sounds really cool. She’s a therapist. She’s a somatic coach. She’s running women’s retreats, like all over the world, like something you would sign up for.
?: Like she’s going to Machu Picchu in the spring. And, three people I know in real life have been on her retreats. So, there’s all these signs, and I’ve reached out to them, tell me about Kim. What do you, what do I need to know? Anyway, she is hosting, in the spring, she’s calling it a women’s leadership retreat here in
Stephanie: town.
?: and she’s looking for speakers. And so that’s how we connected. So that’s what this networking meeting is
Stephanie: about. she’s looking
?: to, I think it’s 90 people is the size of the event.
?: She is asking people to, to pay for the opportunity to speak. So she’s looking for like corporate sponsors and speaking sponsors. So she sent me the information, but I’m also trying, I have questions about it. The marketing speak. So this is like my net, like the internet world feels safe to me. It’s like being public in a room of 90 women who are local, who like, I will run into at the grocery store, you know, like it’s a next level of, Vulnerability and intimacy for me and my business.
?: And it also feels really aligned, so far in just the information I’ve collected. So
?: my, I guess where I want to go with this is
?: I’m really like brainstorming now on like how to really serve this group. like I’d like to come to the meeting tomorrow with her. I’ve here’s a couple of ways, different ways I’m thinking I can serve your audience. yeah, in this women’s leadership. I need some more information about who she thinks like the audiences.
?: are they corporate people or entrepreneurs? It seems like she’s more in the entrepreneurial space.
Stephanie: and also I’m scared. So, what do you need help from me on? Yeah, question there. Yeah.
?: I guess the place where I could use help is like the creative process. Yes. of coming up with a topic and then the content to really serve this audience.
Stephanie: Well, so here’s, this is my thoughts when I hear leadership, right? Yeah. So when I hear leadership, I typically will hear like holder women, 35 plus.
Stephanie: Usually, leadership is sold to this more wiser, older, experienced people. So right away, I’m falling into, it’s women, it’s people, we’ll imagine 35 and over. Right, so they’re in your audience as peripnopause. Yeah. And if they’re a leader, they’re a leader in corporate structure, they’re a leader in business, how, what do they need?
Stephanie: what is their problem? Probably they won’t want to talk about how much they bleed on their period. That’s not going to be a topic. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like I don’t see you going on stage and talking about men’s season periods and all of this together inside. Yes, totally. Typically people in leadership, the word confidence is the thing, right?
Stephanie: Being in your power, right? These are the kind of problems. S that these women have. . So how do you observe that? So then my mind goes to
?: body image, right? Like body image in the workplace?
Stephanie: Or you wanna be careful? I think the roof is body image, but I don’t think that’s how they would speak about it.
Stephanie: Ah, yeah. You see what I’m saying? if you say, pitch to her, I wanna do a body image thing. eh, yeah. it’s not gonna be sellable. Right. To this group of people, but confident, can you sell confidence through body image, but not make it about body image? Do you see what I’m saying? So it
?: just to clarify, so then more leaning into the thought work.
Stephanie: Are you talking about what you’re gonna talk about in your talk or the pitch idea to this woman?
?: okay. No, I was skipping ahead to the content. So, okay, in the
Stephanie: pitch idea. Got it. The pitch idea is solving a problem that her people have. Yeah.
?: So creating
Stephanie: confidence. Yes. Being in your power and all of that.
Stephanie: But I’m going to do it by talking about women, confidence, and body. And I’m going to talk about it from a place of, I don’t know, systemic feminism. I’m going to talk about it from a lens of how, I don’t know, it depends if it’s about business, how women are conditioned to think impacts their ability to make money or to be in business.
Stephanie: Yeah. And I’m going to do it through like how they feel in their body and how they’re like confidence and all of that. But it’s not a talk about Purely body image, right? It’s how to achieve the solution to their problem. But my take on it is different. It’s true embodiment. It’s true being comfortable in your body comfortable with your gray hair.
Stephanie: If that’s our audience and your wrinkles. Yeah, claiming your wisdom, claiming your age. Yeah.
Stephanie: How does that land with you? It lands, yeah.
?: Yeah, it feels really good.
Stephanie: Yeah. When we pitch, it’s always about how can I think the problem they solve and say, yes, I can solve that problem. I’m going to solve it this way, and this is why this is different. I’m going to solve it through the lands of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. But I’m still going to solve that problem.
Stephanie: But I’m going to solve it differently. Yep, bitching often people think it’s about, putting myself out there new. It’s not about imposing your idea. It’s about solving your collaborators problem and saying, yes, I’m going to solve it and being confident. You can solve it, but I’m going to solve it differently.
Stephanie: But don’t go to her and say, I’m going to do a talk on body image. She’s going to say no. Yeah. Right,
?: right, but creating confidence through embodiment
Stephanie: owning that time of your life like don’t call it like perimenopause how to handle perimenopause know how to handle your power in your years of menopause.
Stephanie: Okay. Okay. That’s really helpful. Is that helpful? Yeah. So come in and ask a ton of questions in the meeting to make sure you fully understand her problem. And then pitch on solving her problem through the different lenses. And it’s likely going to be something around embodiment, confidence, based on leadership confidence that I’ve attended.
Stephanie: It’s going to be something about being in your power, confidence, owning your space. Claiming your power and a lot of that has to do with body image. Yeah,
Stephanie: yeah. You could also picture think, you know, Kim Eagle. Think about what she’s doing right now. Yeah. She’s associated with this company who does retreat as a coach. And she gets a lot of her client through that way. She’s not trying to take the place of this person. She’s I can coach your people too.
Stephanie: Yeah. you can, I can go on the retreat with you as a coach, facilitating your idea and then I can use CBT to coach your people. That’s a great way of starting into this women who have, your women’s world, being a coach for her. yeah, totally. I mean,
?: I see her, our businesses is very, complimentary.
Stephanie: So make sure that you pitch on CBT and how you’re like a coach who use cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe she’ll hire you to come on those, some of those retreats and being a coach for people facilitating her. Make sure you’re aligned to her value. Make sure that what you teach you’re aligned and if you are, you can facilitate coaching for her.
Stephanie: Yeah. Thank Yeah, I love that. So there’s too many different ways you can go about networking with this person. It’s good.
?: It’s yeah, it’s actually like getting me excited to do like in person networking, which I haven’t
Stephanie: done at all. You know, it’s coming back right now. I’m seeing more and more face to face conference coming back.
Stephanie: Yeah. And big company like Rachel Roger is putting back her conference right now. Like she hadn’t been in three years, but it’s an investment. You have to think she’s investing a million dollar up front to render room, do all the things for this conference. But before, because of the COVID, people weren’t buying tickets.
Stephanie: So there’s a shitload of money that was lost in the industry of people investing up front and losing. Millions of dollars of people not coming to their conference and it sound like now people are coming back. Yeah. Yeah, well, face to face networking, we’ll start going up again. Yeah, I agree. Did we solve the question you had?
Stephanie: Yeah, this is good. It
?: gives me a lot to work with to prepare for this meeting tomorrow. Yeah. Thank you.
Stephanie: You’re welcome. Ingrid, did you have anything you wanted to talk about? Are you good?
?: I’m good. I’m listening. I’m learning.
Stephanie: I know you are, and you have a new background. We have a…
?: Yeah,
Stephanie: it’s a…
Stephanie: Yeah, it’s a curtain. it’s neutral. Neutral. So, last check in, if you want. If not, we can just, I mean, we’ve been together for two hours. We can end it here, or we can continue coaching. Are we good? Kate, you’re good. McKenna, you’re good. Are you good, Candy? Or do you want to work on the family thing? Well,
?: not really.
?: I kind of coach myself and my husband a bit. So, okay. I know what happened. I know what went on in my mind. I know that there was some stuff that was also weird on the part of my family.
Stephanie: I just want to say this. All of you need, depending where you are on your transition, like a lot of you talk on a podcast on how much you change.
Stephanie: I want you to think about how that impacts your partner. I am not a relationship coach, but I know one thing, you CastingWords Impacts the metrics of your relationship, your relationship up to now was built on you being this version of yourself. So, in the case of candy, the weight loss and the thin person and all of that.
Stephanie: So, as you change personally, it will change the matrix of your relationship with your partner.
Stephanie: Mine wasn’t with, it was with. Or your family, it will change the metrics of your family. relationship.
Stephanie: How much space do you hold for the capacity of your family to adapt to this new version of yourself?
Stephanie: Because they up to now have known this version of you and also then you show up with this version of you. They didn’t sign up for that.
?: Good question.
Stephanie: Sorry.
?: I see it the other way too. Because I mean, what I was going through this weekend is I had my brother and his Two, two of his kids and his wife came into town. Maybe I do want a little coaching, sorry. And I, they live in Arizona, so I don’t see them often. But they came in for the F1 race.
?: And my stepson is, let’s just say he’s really, involved and has, he works with the cars. And he has, he had a whole like, set up that you have to be a VIP to get into. We let them go into it last year and they just showed up this year and didn’t, and just acted oh, well, we’re friends with you guys and they hardly talked to me at all.
?: That was just really weird. Their vibe was really weird. They acted like they owned the place. My steps annoyed that they were there and they hardly talked to me and I was like, this is weird. They’ve
Stephanie: changed too. How do you hold space for them changing? Well,
?: initially I was annoyed, but I breathed through it, and I said, Okay, my choice is to love, that’s always going to be my baseline, and I’m just going to hold space for, Okay, this is actually something they all love, and I don’t love it as much, so I’m just going to give them space to, be their thing.
?: but I was really hurt that they hardly talked to me, and the reason that they could even be there, was because of my stepson. You know what I mean? It was his business. He was annoyed because they were coming and eating his food and hadn’t asked.
Stephanie: How does that relate to you?
?: he was kind of getting…
?: He was getting a little annoyed that they had just showed up and, I’m the connection. It’s my family, you know, so it connected to me because they wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for them knowing me and them getting the special permission to go last year and then them having made a lot of friends.
?: Some of his staff evidently said, yeah, come say hi, but they stayed around all day long and ate and drank and stuff and, just has to acted like it was, of course they did. Like they own the place and then didn’t talk to me. It was really weird.
Stephanie: So there’s two things you want to look at is how you’re thinking about your stepson’s business as being part of you. Your thought that if people get into your stepson’s world, they owe you something for it. And it’s like. Why is it hurting you that somebody doesn’t talk to you? There’s kind of two issues that I’m seeing here. forget about your son’s business. why do people owe you to talk to you? Like, why do they owe you and socializing with you? What’s the thought there?
Candy: Well, my two nieces that were there, we’ve always been close. Sure. It was like they were acting like they were teenage girls ignoring me. And I just really hurt. Well, the thought is. they shouldn’t ignore me because we’re friends,
Stephanie: but they chose to, what does that mean about you? What do you make it mean about you? It’d be the right question
Candy: and they did go down that path, which was, they don’t like me anymore.
Stephanie: I feel rejected.
Candy: 100%. 100%. I felt rejected. Yeah. And I did see that this weekend. So I just tried to breathe through it and do my best to, process the hurt. And that’s what I meant by like my husband’s really great at holding space for me and I just kind of did what I had to do. We went for a walk, vomited it out, let myself breathe it through it and I felt better. But I mean, there’s still a little bit of hurt in there,
Stephanie: which is normal, right?
Candy: Yeah, I decided to release it. I was so hurt by Saturday afternoon that, especially after my stepson told my husband that he was really annoyed that they just showed up and didn’t know. I went and asked my nieces. I’m like, did somebody else.
Candy: Say it was okay for you guys to come. oh yeah. And they looked deceived. They looked deceptive because they’d make really good friends with a couple of his staff. Oh yeah. They said, come say hi. I’m like, oh, okay. Cause that’s nice. That son didn’t say that. That they had actually sent the opposite and I just kind of was like, anyway, so I, for my well being, I said, okay, I’m just going to give everybody the benefit of doubt.
Candy: I’m going to take my nose out of this. I’m going to take my hurt out of it and I’m going to just send them a quick little texting. Hey, looks like I may have gotten in the middle of a miscommunication here. I love you. I’m sorry. Have a great rest of your weekend. The end. So I feel proud of that, but I was really hurt.
Stephanie: So do you, here’s a question. So there’s a,there’s a matrix, there’s a circumstance that happened and the way you think about relationship created the rejection and created the behavior, the A line from rejection. Can you see that? Yeah. Thank you. The question for you
?: is they didn’t even act like they wanted to see us at all flying.
Stephanie: Yeah. No, but the question is truly so what if they chose that?
?: It just seems really weird because we’ve always been I’ve always been so close to my niece and my nieces. And they were at our house for four or five days earlier this year. This is
Stephanie: the perfect example of relationship. Something happened in their life in the last however long you see.
Stephanie: How long has it been since you saw them? March. Okay, so roughly six months. A bunch of things happened in their life over the last six months. Which you don’t know about, and that created the model of them showing up at this event with different A Line than before. And one of those A Line was not caring about you as much as they did before.
Stephanie: So their model, their A Line, you took, you observed their behavior of not caring about you or not socializing with you. That’s their A Line of their model. You took that A line and made that mean something about you. You created a thought. That behavior of them says they don’t like me as much anymore. F, rejection.
Stephanie: And then you created action from the rejected model. Do you want me to put this in writing or can you see it? Well, I
?: can see it this weekend. I can see it.
Stephanie: Yeah. The question for you is, You have to think about your belief about relationship. Do you want to continue to have this model happen in your life where you believe people hold you a certain type of behavior?
Stephanie: Or do you want to change your belief system about relationship so you don’t expect behavior? From other people.
Stephanie: I know it’s math. I can put it in writing if you want.
?: No, I get it. I’m just trying to decide really what I want.
Stephanie: You don’t have to decide here. This is deep. This is beliefs about relationship we’re talking about. This is deep. what do you want to believe about relationship between humans?
Stephanie: I’ll go ahead.
?: the way that I’m choosing to get through this is just to release some expectations, honestly. I just have to release some, it’s the expectations that I have that hurt. And I really want to be okay with that hurting, to be honest, because it’s, it’s a, it feels like a slap in the face.
?: Okay. I want to validate that it
Stephanie: hurts. So you got to live through the model today.
Stephanie: And that’s okay. Like you got to think and feel the hurt. But you, if you want to move differently forward, you have to look at your belief system about family relationships.
Stephanie: In order for you to not, in years to come, constantly feel hurt, if that’s what you want, or if you want to keep wanting to feel hurt by your family’s behavior, then keep that same belief, and it will keep producing the same model.
?: Yeah, it’s just challenging when some members of your family treat you more poorly
Stephanie: than strangers do. Is it true? Or is that your perspective?
?: No, I have some family members that are
Stephanie: that way. So, I just want to be clear that this is not a fact that’s unnegotiable in the universe. It’s your way of seeing that relationship to those family members that creates that thought.
Stephanie: I
?: have an abusive sister. I do. Sure. She is. She’s flat out abusive. And it made me really terrified that these guys were going to start being like her. That’s honestly it. And I don’t talk to my sister anymore. And it hurt me because I love these people and we love each other. And I’m like, so I went to worst case scenario.
?: I was like, oh, no. Oh, no, did I do something? Oh, no.
Stephanie: So
Stephanie: what you’re I’m physically or mentally by your sister and what you did is you saw that relationship through the lands of that traumatic experience. No, I didn’t see that. That’s what happened
?: don’t leak it. It felt like that and it hurt really bad.
Stephanie: So. I’m just going to parallel this to make you see it from a non involved story. That is the same pattern that a woman who, for an example, was physically abused by a man. They will, for years after leaving that relationship, will have a traumatic experience to any other male’s relationship because they will relive their new relationship through the lands of abuse in the past.
Stephanie: And the most non abusive men will get portrayed as abusive. yeah. Because that’s the glasses they’re wearing. Men are physically abusive.
?: My brother and his family have changed a lot over the last few years. and it’s just been hard to
Stephanie: watch. So, and,
?: they,
Stephanie: Anyway, so again, tell me when you’ve had enough of being challenged in your thought pattern. They have changed. What if it’s good for them in their model? They’re changing in the way they want to change.
Stephanie: It just doesn’t line up with you.
?: I want to be there. I want to get there. I know
Stephanie: that’s what I’m saying.
?: Yeah. Yeah. No, that’s the path to freedom. I didn’t know and I’m just still a little hurt.
Stephanie: You are hurt because you keep hanging on to the thought that they shouldn’t be changing that way.
Stephanie: We shouldn’t be mean, it’s it’s very interesting because when you talk about family relationship, one of the things that I’m observing is that the coach lens completely goes away. Oh, girl. You see that? Yeah. Oh, right.
?: No, I totally know it because I mean, like I had, it’s a lot of trauma in my childhood and whenever I get around him, I’m like,
Stephanie: you’re like, it’s me.
Stephanie: No, you’re making it mean.
Stephanie: So that’s what coaching is important as a coach is that your coach brings you back in the neutrality of the event. You take in this conversation, you take 20%, you gain 20 percent of neutrality. The next family event comes in, you talk about it with your coach, you gain another 20 percent of neutrality.
Stephanie: Your coach is there just to show you the potential of neutrality, not to make you become this new version of yourself right away. I’m just holding this place. What if? What if? What if? What if? Yeah, that’s all I’m saying.
?: Yeah, the sad story was I’m like, I don’t want to not talk to all my siblings and family.
?: It was like,
Stephanie: yeah, do you have is the black and white? I say, I have to not talk to them.
?: no, I know that I can still I mean, my niece did send a quick text back and say, Thank you. I love you. I love you. You know, but, yeah, I just went to worst case scenario. I was like, oh, no, I hope they don’t turn into a relationship like my other sister.
?: I don’t want to lose another sibling and they’re cute kids and not have a connection there.
Stephanie: And what’s the long term solution? If you don’t want to lose that relationship. And that’s why
?: I sent the apology and said, I think maybe I got caught in the middle of a miscommunication here and I’m sorry.
?: And so I felt good about that, and I love you and have a great weekend and release the expectation.
Stephanie: Yeah, in the context of our relationship, when we fully embody the fact that we cannot control the other person’s behavior, the only solution to remain in our relationship is to change ourselves.
Stephanie: And I’ll come back to the other flipping, the abusive relationship, that’s what women do. Women change themselves and accept the abuse to stay in a relationship. But it’s also true the other way if you’re like no, I want to keep the relationship to my brother. I am going to change in order to maintain that relationship.
Stephanie: Am I okay with that? Or do I want to be who I am and cut them off? No,
?: I don’t want to cut them off. I think that would be silly. That’s not
Stephanie: necessary. Don’t judge it. It’s an option that is as good as the other one. Oh, yeah. Silly. No.
?: Well, in this case, it doesn’t make sense. With my sister, a hundred percent makes sense with them.
?: You choose not to.
Stephanie: I choose not to. Yeah. Perfect. Neutral. It’s not silly. I just choose not to. Then what do I need to change about myself in order for me to remain neutral in that relationship, to not trigger pain, to just remain neutral.
?: Honestly, just release expectations that they’ll want to see me and just let them be
Stephanie: where they’re at. Yeah, so change the belief that they want to spend time with me.
?: Yeah, that was the mismatch. I was so excited to see them. So excited to see them because I don’t get to see them, you know, very often.
?: And
Stephanie: for them, they weren’t excited.
?: Yeah, and it had never been that way before. So, it was really shocking. It was shocking to.
Stephanie: So there’s also I want to, I’ll give you guys the example of me and my brother over the years. There’s topics. We just don’t talk about there’s a category of subject lines that we have just taken off the book.
Stephanie: Because every time we talk about it, our non negotiable differences show up and we end up arguing there’s things like, we clearly taken off the docket in order for us to maintain a relationship.
Stephanie: So, there’s, I don’t talk politics. I don’t think I don’t talk about racism. I don’t talk about all of those things because I know he has dramatically different. views in me and I cannot change it and I’ve accepted that. So the question I have to ask myself is do I want to be in a relationship with a brother who doesn’t think the same way about me as oppression in the topic of oppression.
Stephanie: I for my brother I said yes but there’s other people in my life I say no I don’t want to be in a relationship like you’re not valuable enough to me for me to tolerate this about you. 100%. So what’s the matrix of your relationship with your brother? Honestly, I need to think
?: about I’m just releasing all expectations that they’ll ever want to spend time with me, and I’m just going to choose to love them my way.
Stephanie: When they show up, let me show up. Yeah.
Stephanie: Ingrid, do you want to contribute to ask something? Yeah,
?: just that I do have the same thing with one of my sisters. She does not contact me, she doesn’t want me to call her, and what I have, the way I think about it is I have released her. If she doesn’t want me, then it’s fine. It’s her decision, and I can’t do anything.
?: So it’s, yes, so I have tried to coach my eldest sister because she is hurt by the same situation. She has been acceptable. She’s not anymore. And yes, just don’t engage in it. Release her. That’s…
Stephanie: the only caution I’ll make about that, this whole, it’s not just about this circumstance, it’s this whole world of releasing shit.
Stephanie: In order, from a cognitive perspective, in order to release shit, you need to change the beliefs. Just saying, oh, it’s bullshit, from a nervous system and cognitive perspective, you have to do the thought work to change your belief about this human being. Yeah. Because it’s not true that we can just press a button and release ships.
Stephanie: No,
?: it’s not. It’s, it was, this has been for many years. And in a way,I have accepted that us being sisters doesn’t mean we will be friends forever.
Stephanie: That we’re even talking. From the beginning,
?: yes. But I don’t anymore. It’s, I have my choice of who I want to befriend with, and she has hers,
Stephanie: and that’s it.
Stephanie: But it doesn’t mean anything about you.
?: No, it doesn’t mean anything about me, because, yeah, it’s just her choice. I don’t know why, and I don’t care.
?: And when I just, when I say release, I mean work on releasing the beliefs. Yeah, I do. And the emotions of letting them process through. That’s what I mean by release.
Stephanie: One of the biggest beliefs that I had to change for me was the expectation that my family were, had to be supportive. I had this belief, and truthfully, you would go most places and they would say, yeah.
Stephanie: Like families should be supportive of their children, right? Everybody, you could almost think of it as a fact, but it’s not. Right? But most people are so sold into this. Yeah, it’s true. Like families should be supporting you. No, it’s not. It’s not a fact. I had to let go of the belief that families should be supporting their members.
Stephanie: And once I released that, I was able to have a neutral relationship with my family and their lack of support of me.
Stephanie: But I had to stop thinking about it as a fact. But as something most people choose to believe,
Stephanie: that’s how you’re scratching your voice. You want to say something? Yeah, it’s
?: just helpful. That is something you said earlier. And I already forgot about, but you’d asked a question that was very, that really made me think it was quite powerful, but that is really helpful because I think a lot in regards to business and other relationships in my life.
?: But I’ve never really thought about it, how you can, that way, because you’re so right, everything tells you, your family should support you. And it’s not necessarily, they, we might be able to be in a room together, but they might not support what, we might not support what one another does.
?: This all goes back to me nannying, actually. it’s hard for me to explain to people, but I finally am in a place where even my dad had no idea what the relationship was like with them, and I, he said something, I was like, oh, no, because he’s asking about what they do, and I was like, you know, don’t really support what they do, rather not talk about it, but I love their kids, so I’m going to Phoenix, and that’s that, we don’t need to get into the details.
Stephanie: But that’s the same thing. You can be in a relationship of money with this family without alignment and what how they earn money.
?: Exactly. And for years, I thought for not years, but at one point, I thought I had to be in alignment, right? It’s no, you can coexist as humans. Completely outside of other areas of your life and I think that’s where we as humans get it wrong.
Stephanie: Well, where most human gets it wrong is that, you mean I have to work on me? No, they have to change. Sure, that’s a model, but that model will be a crash collision at some point.
Stephanie: You can choose to, do the work on yourself in order to create the relationship you want and that’s because that’s the only thing you can control. You won’t make them stop selling weight loss. You won’t.
?: It’s interesting that you talk about the self growth because now I’m thinking of a comment I got from someone who said, you amaze me every time you speak, I’m more and more amazed by you.
?: And I was like, Oh, my gosh, that’s self growth. That is 100 percent self growth. And that’s me changing as an individual.
Stephanie: You decided that your circumstance of life weren’t making you happy anymore. You could have say the world needs to change to make room for me. But you said, no, I’m going to change to make me happy in the circumstance of the world I live in.
Stephanie: Exactly. That is exactly it. So take relationship and say, globally, that’s my view on a relationship. How do I need to change to make this relationship neutral to me, or at least neutral? So I don’t feel collapse every time I come out of seeing this human being. What do I need to change about myself? And if I don’t want to change, that’s okay.
Stephanie: Just close the relationship. Helpful.
?: Very helpful. I have one specific relationship come to mind.
Stephanie: Yeah. Okay, folks. I think we’re done for right now. Yeah. See you Thursday. Bye. See you. Take care.
