Fatphobia Coaching and Gaslighting: How I Overcame Fatphobia as a Fat Woman
As a fat woman, I’ve heard it all. “Just change your thoughts about the layer of fat on your body.” “Don’t worry about what other people think of you.” These well-intentioned but misguided pieces of advice aren’t coaching – they’re gaslighting. And they’re a prime example of how fatphobia permeates our society, even in spaces meant to be supportive and empowering.
Today, I want to share my personal journey of overcoming fatphobia and how I learned to navigate a world that often seems designed to make people in larger bodies feel less than. This isn’t just my story – it’s a call to action for coaches, mentors, and anyone working with fat individuals to understand the complexities of fatphobia and how to truly support their clients.
Fatphobia Coaching and Gaslighting: Understanding Fatphobia and Gaslighting
Before we dive deeper, let’s clarify what we mean by fatphobia and gaslighting. Fatphobia is the fear, stigma, and discrimination against people with larger bodies. It’s a systemic issue that affects nearly every aspect of life for fat individuals.
Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a form of psychological manipulation where someone denies another person’s reality, making them question their own perceptions and experiences. In the context of fatphobia, gaslighting often looks like dismissing the very real challenges and discrimination fat people face daily.
When someone tells a fat person to “just love yourself more” or “ignore what others think,” they’re essentially denying the reality of living in a fatphobic society. This isn’t helpful – it’s harmful.
Coaching Fat Women Can Be Challenging
As I mentioned earlier, coaching people who are marginalized by systemic oppression can be incredibly challenging. Without the right skills and tools, even well-meaning coaches can inadvertently cause harm to their clients.
Let me illustrate this with my own experience. As a woman living in a large body, I’m acutely aware that people form opinions about me based solely on my appearance when I enter a room. For years, I internalized this and believed that I was the problem. I tried diet after diet, attempting to conform to society’s unrealistic and oppressive standards.
Eventually, I decided to say “f*ck off” to the system and accept my body. But this wasn’t an easy journey, and it certainly wasn’t as simple as just changing my mindset.
Fatphobia Coaching and Gaslighting: The Pitfalls of Simplistic Body Positivity
My first attempt at body acceptance came through an online body positivity course. The coach’s main message was, “If you love yourself enough, it will get better.” Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.
This approach, while well-intentioned, falls into the trap of gaslighting. It puts the entire burden on the individual to change their thoughts and feelings, without acknowledging the very real societal pressures and discrimination they face.
A New Approach to Overcoming Fatphobia
Realizing that simplistic body positivity wasn’t the answer, I decided to tackle the problem of fatphobia differently. Here’s how I approached it:
1. Stop Gaslighting Myself
The first step was to acknowledge the reality of fatphobia. Yes, it exists. Yes, it’s unfair. And yes, it impacts nearly every aspect of my life – from healthcare access to job opportunities to social interactions. Denying this reality wasn’t helping; accepting it was the first step towards real change.
2. Accept the Long-term Nature of the Challenge
I had to come to terms with the fact that fatphobia isn’t likely to disappear entirely in my lifetime. While things may improve, it will continue to impact me. This realization was crucial in shifting my focus from trying to change society to learning how to navigate it effectively.
3. Choose How to Respond
With this acceptance came a choice: how did I want to live the rest of my life? Did I want to pretend fatphobia doesn’t exist, hide away, and live a small life? Or did I want to learn how to experience fatphobia differently and live fully despite it?
4. Practice Self-Consent
I made a conscious choice to change my approach. This involved practicing self-consent – acknowledging that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do, including conforming to societal expectations about my body.
5. Build Safety for My Choice
Change is scary, especially when it involves going against societal norms. I acknowledged my fear and the challenges ahead, building a sense of safety and support for myself as I embarked on this journey.
6. Change My Thoughts About Fatphobia
Finally, I began the process of changing my thoughts about fatphobia. This wasn’t about denial or forced positivity. Instead, it was about acceptance and empowerment. I did the thought work from a place of acknowledging reality while also recognizing my power to shape my response to it.
Fatphobia Coaching and Gaslighting: The Power of Intersectional Coaching
This approach to overcoming fatphobia is rooted in what’s known as intersectional coaching. It’s a holistic framework that acknowledges how an individual’s various identities – including body size, race, gender, and more – impact their reality.
Intersectional coaching is the truest form of empowerment coaching because it doesn’t deny or minimize the challenges faced by marginalized individuals. Instead, it provides tools and strategies to navigate these challenges effectively.
This approach is at the heart of the Non-Diet Coaching Certification, which I now offer to other coaches. It’s why Certified Non-Diet Coaches never gaslight their clients, no matter the circumstances. We acknowledge the reality of fatphobia and other systemic issues while empowering our clients to live fully and authentically.
In Conclusion
Remember, overcoming fatphobia isn’t about denying its existence or forcing yourself to “just think positively.” It’s about acknowledging the reality of living in a fatphobic society, choosing how you want to respond, and empowering yourself to live fully despite societal prejudices.
My journey from internalized fatphobia to empowerment wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. And if I can do it, so can you. Whether you’re struggling with fatphobia yourself or you’re a coach looking to better support your clients, remember: real change starts with acknowledging reality, not denying it. From there, anything is possible.
Ready to Take the Next Steps and Dismantle Fatphobia?
If you’re inspired by my journey and want to learn more about overcoming fatphobia or providing empowering, intersectional coaching, there are several ways to get involved.You can access all of our services on our work with us page. We have a number of programs and service levels enabling us to serve most women:
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Private coaching with Stephanie and her team Stephanie and her team of Certified Non-Diet Coaches are waiting to support you in a one-to-one setting with an individualized plan.
Undiet Your Life group coaching program is for women to learn how to eat intuitively, become body neutral, and learn self-coaching at their own pace while being supported in a group setting by Stephanie and her team of Certified Non-Diet Coaches.
Non-Diet Coaching Certification for professionals ready to integrate the Going Beyond The Food Method™️ in their practice and for women wanting to become Certified Coach and build a business coaching other women beyond the food.